2015 in review

best song: krill's tiger

Listen to These Songs or Don't. I Don't Care. Vol.-2

i've recently been promoted at work and just switched over to pbr and currently on my 8th one so here are some more songs that you should listen to but will ultimately ignore
i still don't see the appeal of madison over milwaukee for shows; especially in the summer. that makes no sense at all. the damn college kids are away
fuck you small wonder you just ruined my weekend. you'll always be garbage but now i know for sure your trash
anyways here are some songs you may have not heard or maybe you did; who cares; you probably don't waste hours on bandcamp searching for new music until your brain is numb and then find something to post at 2:20 in the morning




the amount of songs is fine. i have to go piss so i think this will be good enough to post because no one will see this unless my aunt is still frequenting this site

Listen to These Songs or Don't. I Don't Care. Vol.-1

do what you will with these songs. maybe listen to them, idk.
there's so much cum lodged in my keyboard that half the time the spacebar doesn'twork

anywho i am drunk and listening to these goddamn songs so maybe you'll find something you like.
i'm not a miracle worker















fuckme

Best of 2014: Grand Finale

oh hey it's march, who cares. i just completed my first week at the sausage factory so i decided to finish my best albums of 2014 and other shit even though we are now 3 months into 2015. i also don't care anymore so here's some kind of ranking

i don't care anymore.

whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever i guess it's finished

Honorable Mention (EPs/Albums/what have you) 
Wilderness Explorer - Space Mountain
The Other Side - Slow Animal
Night Hymns - Beach Creep
Kalopsia - Crows An Wra
Almost Died Makes You Think - Getting Married
Yet - Victory Shoes
Sometimes Bad Happens - adult mom
Kites At Night - Imaginary Pants
Cavity Castle - Leggy
Ugly Kid - GHOSTS
Stark City - Princess Reason
Loomer EP - Loomer
Locas Demonstration - LOCAS
I Google Myself/I'm A Man - Dogs In Ecstasy
Real Hair - Speedy Ortiz
Knit Into Place - Fun Home
Old Kids / Void - Young Adults
STRANGE DEMANDS - Loser Vision

i'm severely depressed

Splits:
5.
 this split features what is probably washer's best song in "Rot" and things can only go downhill for the duo from here
i haven't listened to the big ups half
4.

i don't have to say anything
3.bad history month

2.pope/nouns

1. this takes the top spot even though i've completely ignored the nod side except the time i listened to it during my brief kidnapping by the drummer from geronimo!.


EPees
10.
Sweet death almost completely killed krill's chances of making this list. the puns inspired by Steve Hears Pile in Malden blah blah were repulsive within a week of its release. my dog died on the day Fresh Pond premiered and ruined any chance of me enjoying that song. i'll say it again, sweet death is awful. Turd is ok. Unbounded Nameless Future is a little bit better. maybe their new album will bring back the good memories of past Krill but that's what they tricked me into believing last year. i also did not puke in their car so get your facts straight.
9.


just look the rest up on google

8.
Dungeon Kids
7.
Jurassic Shark
6.
Piles
5.
Kal Marks
4.
Washer
3.
Euphoria Again
2.
Counter Culture
1.
Little Star


Sharpless whatever the hell it's called
what's the point of ranking music anyways
warehouse
bluffing i can't embed it so whatever

    Bug Out



the over hype 2 inch deserved for bad brother happened here whatever

happy diving? sure ok great

 is grass is green done? probably. but at least we'll always have tricky tim er um scattering ram
 mom turd rock shit. how about your sister sends me a friend request on facebook first issac. cool
Some people speculate this album is about Peter Pan but it's obviously about delicious Wendys and how miserable you can feel after eating there. especially after a triple baconator and fries. It's about the fear of not being able to make it to the bathroom on time before it starts pouring out of you. Or in the case of Lost at Highway when you are driving late at night trying to find your favorite Wendys after you just saw Pile. Until I Open My Wings is my favorite song about gargoyles.

advertising no the band. no one will sponser this ok the album is called pull so look it up asshole

full of bullshit

Overrated track: Annie's a Witch

The best part about this album: it's only 17 minutes long. BUTt those 17 minutes will linger in your head until the day you die

5. Mac DeMarco - Salad Days
read about the bucktoothed weirdo on some other website

 Why would you ever start your album off with a 12 minute song. why.

i am so sore from wworking at the sausage factory. i was supposed to get done at 1 today but i didn't get out until 10 after 4 and i didn't even eat lunch.


you'd rqank the album this high if you spent some time in a hut tub with them too

so this is number one i guess. who cares. while it's probably scott's greasy hands fault that caused me to drop my 40 after i generously offered to share it, this is my most played album of 2014 so by de facto i spose it's number 1. congrats i suck

Worst Songs of 2014

Nobody cares about the best songs of 2014 anymore so here are the worst songs of 2014 in no particular order!

heavily contended with .Wav Memories but this one can squawk off

for the 2nd straight year krill has made this list. usually i just joke around about hating krill but i really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really don't like this song

depressingly dark and describes a Sioux Falls show

 we all know that frankie cosmos dad is not a fireman but at least she's not covering krill again

 basically a song about farts

 despite the flawless shaker this one just doesn't make sense

Ｐａｓｔ　Ｌｉｆｅ　Ｒｅｇｒｅｓｓｉｏｎ- Sharpless 

i don't even care about the song, why the hell would you title it like this chad

 highly offensive and the redneck himself spud butler sings in french

 LVL UP songs less than a minute long that aren't about ice cream are the worst

 washer? more like throw'er (away in the trash)

Little Kid - Big Ups - this one was hard because there were so many to chose from. so i just hit shuffle and this was the first one that popped up that wasn't Body Parts

 jesus christ.

whatever song you want from Lowt Ide.

Best Songs of 2014

here are my top songs of this year, two thousand and fourteen. if you want to fight me over the rankings then please show up at my apartment, 3030 N Fratney St. Unit 2 Milwaukee, WI 53212.

This is just the icing on the cake. Sometimes you have to save the good content for the best albums of 2014 list that i may or may not have started. Expect to see my other rankings (albums, worst songs, dead bands, etc) sometime before 2016

thinking about getting 115 of these HKarnutz awards made up that the winners can hang from their vans

I'm gonna be honest, i won't give you the reason why the songs are ranked the way they are. the math is too complicated

i hid several krill disses in this list like they were the guy from Too Many Cooks

You know how hard it is to embed over 100 songs from bandcamp? and i bet they still won't feature me on their Fan Spotlight

There is no room for an honorable mention section

115.
 this isn't really my last ranked song on the list. i just forgot to add it and i'm not going back to properly reorder
114.

no easy way to say this but this is my last ranked song actually
113.
112.
111.
110.

109.
108.
107.
106.

105.
104.

103.

swashly bar tune
102.
101.

100.

one of the guys in Waterbodies looks like a goth version of Mike from LVL UP
99.

remember when this was better than Frankie Cosmos in Chicago and punches were thrown? I don't because i was too busy stealing beer from the stupid frat bros. but i'm sure it was better
98.
97.
 96.
 95.
 94.
 93.
 92.
 91.

90.

these 2 will share the 90 spot because guess what i screwed up again.
89.
 88.

the shut up and fish genre is about to take over the country. just wait
 87.  like graph with aliens
86.

85.
Greater Than - $harpless
old sharpless was better and you can't even embed this song. c'mon chad

84.
dan goldin gave me $20 to put them on the list
83.
 82.
 space mountain has gotten better since that "stranger" *disappeared*

81.Psychotronic Techniques - Small Teeth

80.
79.
78.

77.

76.
75.
74.
73.

72.

69T*
Too Many Cooks
i got out of bed at 3 pm today
69T*
congrats carrot you made the list
69T*

68.
67.
 66.
 65.

64.
 63.
 62.
 i jacked off 3 times today and 2 of those times i was listening to this song. merry christmas everyone

61.
Gemini - Ought: Sharpless didn't even have the best song called Gemini of 2014. sorry chad

60.59.
 hey look a song with a long ass name that isn't whiny emo bullshit
58.
 57.
56.
 55.
 54.
 53.

 52.
 51.

50.

giving double double whammy some cred but they'll still screw up your order
49.

who knew music came out of arkansas
48.

47.
Body Parts - Big Ups : great opening slicer that leads to eventual disappointment
46.

45.

I prefer this version to the one that's performed in footie pajamas
44.
 missed out seeing this played live because Fax Holiday man himself gave me the wrong address. and i went to taco bell
43.
 Anchor 3 is a way better name than Swings.
42.

   in all honesty if krill didn't release this song they wouldn't have made the list
41.
40.

39.
 38.

37.
36.
 You can smell this band even on Peaks Island. I went to Maine this year.
35.

this may be their most post-dickwavey song yet.
 34.

had to make 3 add-ons to last year's list because i forgot to include Euphoria Again. not this time slick
33.
 32.
31.
 LVL UP plummets 30 spots this year
30.

29.
 i regret nothing
29.

they barely exist online which means they won't see they made the list unless i end up at that dudes house again drunk with ovlov.
28.
 could have gone out on top if you would've quit for real.
27.

i saw someone use my "washer? i hardly know her!" line somewhere online recently and i'm thinking about suing
 26.

it's been a rough year for the police
 25.
 ignore jim mora.
24.

 23.

i like the robot fart thing at 2:11 before it drifts into oblivion
22.

it's fun to imagine Frankie Cosmos getting splashed with rain lol
21.

20.
Faux Affection - Routine Involvements
19.
 18.

my number one jam at the gun factory
17.
Bus Lines - Trail of Dead - there's literally nothing to link besides the full album. you'll just have to use google or whatever
16.

15.
14.

Slim has this band rollin' and Andy can never take a good press photo
13.

it's the only SF song that doesn't make me tear up.
12.
 back in july '13 i may have told speedy it would be "cool" to re-release Doomsday someday..
11.

boisterous
10.
 tour favorite of mine that didn't give me the urge to piss
9.
 Tulsa may be a crime riddled city but The Spirit of the Beehive make it sound like a swell place to live. for a little bit
8.

the album cover was a huge turnoff for me
 7.
 once you get past the 20 seconds of bullshit at the beginning you'll find father john's masterpiece
6.
 5.
 the sludging continues
4.
 fuzzy weirdos
3.
 it's probably my 13th favorite pile song.
2.
 if only more popular milwaukee bands would play their final show with DIE so i could see this live again (looking at you Fatty Acids).  and now i never spell "ecstasy" wrong. thanks!
1.

sometimes a Serbian band calls you out for deleting a tweet about their song and then it becomes your favorite song of the year.

Interview: Farewell Geronimo!

After almost 7 years of being together Geronimo! is throwing in the beer soaked towel. And since they no longer have to worry about an interview with yours truly hampering their career, they agreed to reflect on their time as a band and their decision to bring a guy like me on tour. 

you'll find this interview with Geronimo! full of inside jokes. If you have not seen the teenage-fantasy-romance drama Beautiful Creatures then you might not understand certain phrases like "uncle loves google".   

first of all i think it would be awesome if you would just clear the air and say that bringing me on tour did not cause you to end Geronimo!

Kelly: We only ended Geronimo! because we accomplished what we set out to do; Make a million dollars

Ben: I thought it was clear that Beautiful Creatures caused to us end Geronimo!...

Matthew: Gee, I wish I could do that but...no just kidding.  The two things are in no way related.

i would also like Matt to say he's sorry for kidnapping me in Rockford and promise he'll never do it again

Matt: I will never apologize.  I was demonstrating a life lesson to you Hayden.  Many life lessons, really.

Ben: Rockford can be scary.

i first came across Geronimo! 4 years ago thanks to this. what a strange four years- especially the last one- it's been

Kelly: It's not been so strange

Ben: Oh man, it was so cool of Dan to put us on that. I remembering listening to that comp after it came out, having never heard of any of the other bands and really digging the whole thing.

Matt: Indeed it has  been.

this is a hayden original photo

mermaid jay leno

Kelly: No comment

Ben: So many things come to mind.

Matt: I'm sure she's a perfectly nice gal who wouldn't appreciate the name calling.  She should cut back on drinking.

uncle loves google

Ben: That’s my internet password to everything now. I don’t think anybody else gets this reference unfortunately. Google it!

Kelly: He does- I googled it!

Matt: Uncle does indeed love google.  You can verify this by looking on google. 

i'm afraid i'm now conditioned that every time i hear Euphoria i have to piss

Kelly: I get afraid about things like that sometimes, too

Ben: How shall I phrase this? If you find yourself blaming yourself, you’ve got no one to blame but yourself.

Matt: Not my problem.

you guys actually knew Ovlov from the very beginning and been pals ever since

Kelly: They covered "Sink to the Bottom" by Fountains of Wayne

Ben: One word: Beer30. Many words: They are awesome, nice, fun dudes who happen to play my favorite music. I was hooked since I first heard The Valley while booking our first tour out east. We have Dan Goldin to thank for recommending we drop them a line.

Matt: I respected the sickness of their gnar and the extended feedback of their set, which I believe Ben has on video.

they've threatened to quit like 3 times and have terrible hygiene

Kelly: Theo is a major babe

Ben: For the record, they smell great. Oops, I mean grapes. They smell grapes. I actually own a hat with Steve “deshirted” on it. It’s one of my most prized possessions.

Matt: Smells come and go but Ovlov is forever.

Kelly your future in-laws place is haunted. i'm sure of it

Kelly: That might be true. One time that I stayed there, I was making some toast in the kitchen. I set it on a 6 out of 10. When it popped up like 4 minutes later it was barely toasted at all!

will i be invited back for the reunion tour to raise hell again

Kelly: If we do a reunion tour you can play the guitar at the shows

Ben: You are officially invited back for the reunion tour.

Matt: Ever hear of punctuation?  You can come on tour if you buy a really nice suit like you talked about doing.

please don't let Matt ever drive me around again. just thought i would reiterate 

Matt: I will definitely be driving you around again in the very near future for very prolonged periods of time.  Get used to it.

what's next after Geronimo!?

Kelly: Depression and snacks. Maybe a Black Sabbath cover band - this is a for real maybe

Ben: I think I’m going take some time off and just stare at stuff for a while.

Matt: Getting into the pyramid-scheme biz and making it big time.

what deals can i get through Matt on groupon?

Matt: All the deals.   Here's a good one.

Ben: Oh man, so many great deals on jacuzzis.

thank god Jose's (A Severe Joy) place wasn't haunted

Kelly: It might be. One time I stayed there and I was making some toast. I set it on a medium setting and when I went back like 4 minutes later there was no toast at all!

Ben: What??? Jose’s place burned to the ground 10 years ON THIS VERY DAY.

every time i hang out with ovlov we end up going to a mall :(

Kelly: You guys all have expensive taste in sneakers. Lots of good sneakers at the mall

Ben: That sounds awesome.

Matt: Better than hanging out with a volvo and going to the llam

i almost forgot strawpeedo and all of it's glory

Kelly: I thought you strawpeedo'd a 40 oz?

Ben: I talk about trying this infinity times more than I try it.

wats the best part of bringing hayden on tour 

Kelly: That you didn't drive

Ben: No kidding, it was really fun having Hayden along with. He’s a fun guy to have around, especially in tour situations where you don’t know anyone going into house show or something. Sort of turns us into a small posse. Plus, at times tour can get a little monotonous. When I look over and see Hayden having fun, it reminds me that, oh yeah, this IS fun. You know? Anyway, how is Hayden these days?

Matt: Kidnapping him in my car on the way to Rockford. But also he was a pleasure to have along in general.  Watching him be force fed booze on the couch in Grand Rapids.  Seeing him cross the parking lot in his wonderfully bad sweater with a hot and ready from little caesars. Going out with him to the van later that night during the show to eat a slice. That was a nice little Hayden moment.

Ben: For the record, I like your sweaters.

whats the worst part of bringing hayden on tour 

Kelly: That you didn't drive

Ben: The constant beatings. He’s merciless.

Matt: I'll say what I want.  I didn't have any objections to Hayden's presence. The inevitability of goodbye. 

i gained 10 pounds 

on a scale of 9-10 what do you give Beautiful Creatures?

Kelly: 11

Ben: a 10, duh
Matt: 10. Obviously.

when can we go back to wagon trails and i don't get harassed by camels

Kelly: In the winter is good because the camels all die by then

call me snake

sorry you have to do most of the work here; i'm pretty terrible you know

Kelly: You're an interviewing pioneer, Hayden

Ben: You’re doin’ great Snake.

i'm still pissed off that you didn't let me play Philadelphia Freedom when arriving in Philly; you stating that it was an "Elton John free van"

Kelly: I actually love the song 'Rocket Man' 

Ben: Did we really say that? Sorry Hayden, that wasn’t very cool. To be fair though, I don’t think we’ve ever played Elton John on purpose in the van...

Matt: You must have mistaken me for someone who cares.

does Ben still dig out of garbage cans in parks to find cds to listen to

Matt:  Probably

Ben: I have no shame in being a dedicated music lover.

when is the next time we'll spend some "quality time in a hot tub"? ;) 

Kelly: If we had some sort of time machine we could be in the hot tub right now

Ben: As soon as you get on those sweet Groupon jacuzzi deals!!!!

Matt: Soon I hope.  When are you getting a hot tub in Milwaukee Hayden?

i almost broke my neck falling down the stairs the next morning. that place is haunted (remember the pillow)

Kelly: I think it might be haunted. When I stayed there last time I was making some toast. I set the toaster on 5 for just a medium toasting. When I came back about 4 minutes later it was a bagel instead of bread!

Pittsburgh was a fun show but there was no toilet paper  so i had to use left over kleenex in the nearby trash can. i thought this interview could mostly be about the tour

Kelly: I think that I had to use some notebook paper 

Ben: Sometimes you gotta wipe one for the tour gods, you know?

why is taco bell so good and why didn't we go there everyday

Kelly: We did go there every day. Your tour notes seem a little unreliable

Ben: I think that was the tour where we started the rule “If you’re wondering if taco bell is a good idea, it is”. I wish we had hit it up more. Crap.

Matt: No one can explain the extravagant mysteries of taco bell's greatness.  I don't know why we didn't go there every day.  Probably to stave off the diarrhea 

remember when Darl wore a Pile shirt with Theo & Ben to make it a Pile gang? i like pile more than all of their bands combined

Kelly: I think you compare things to Pile a lot

Hail Pile
Matt: Here it is.  A hail pile.

 

you guys played with krill...(rest of this question has been omitted) 

Kelly: I thought they played really great

not even a question, just thought i would put it out there. Jonah from krill is so lazy

Matt: You love him and you know it.

every time i see krill they play i am the cherry because they don't have any better songs

Kelly: I know it's cheap to say but my favorite song is 'Infinite Power'

Matt:   Infinite Power is so dope dawg

i thought lobster was ok but not worth the effort

Kelly: I don't think I'll be eating lobster again and I can't stop thinking about the turds

Ben: For the record, it looked gross. I’m glad it happened, but yeah...

Matt:  totally agree, though the bibs were cute.

you played with Ovlov like 3 maybe 4 times on tour and they struggled  and i got way too drunk at all of them. 

Kelly: They played the greatest cover of 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' that I've ever heard in Lowell. they were all drunk and Jon was throwing beer cans at them while playing

Ben: Hayden, I think you spelled “snuggled” wrong. But yeah, they snuggled hard.

let the record show that Nick from Kal Marks owns a vhs case for Con Air but the physical copy was no where to be found

Kelly: You got it

Ben: Yeah, that’s real the reason Geronimo! is calling it quits. So much expectation, so much disappointment.

no, Electronic Parrot is not my favorite song off the new record no matter what happened in the hot tub

Kelly: That shouldn't be anyone's favorite song of anything

Ben: Hey man, your secret is safe.

Matt:  Steve from Ovlov said it's his favorite track.  I've got an electronic pet carrot, my best friend is a ferret.

Oh and don't think I forgot about Ben's cat eating my pizza
Ben: Never Forget
       #pizzamurder2014

At your last show are you gonna scream "Geronimo!" and jump off the stage?
Ben: I will jump off the stage and yell "Geronimo!" if everyone else is doing it
Kelly: At our last show I want to take my guitar and ride it like a skateboard into the audience and have people hold me up and I can pretend I'm surfing. I don't skateboard though and I'd probably injure a lot of people before dropping head first onto the ground. With my last dying words I will gargle through the blood "....geronimo"
Matt: No way.

dang it. we forgot to call the dump gal