FRANKIE COSMOS INTERVIEW: I Mean Not Really But At Least It Comes With a New Song I Guess That's Cool Part 1

oh could it really be happening. another soon to be critically acclaimed interview this time with 3--'s best new tracker, frankie cosmos 

so very kind of cosmos to do this even if she didn't do a good job answering questions. what's that, don't like interviews? don't like to read? dont no how 2 reed¿ that's ok because if you scroll all the way down there is a new frankie cosmos track! oh cool hayden thanks. YOU WON'T FIND IT ANYWHERE ELSE SO DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND CHECK IT OUT. this is my valentines day present to the world as i have too much love to give to just one single human

it's 4 am and this is good enough 

blah blah blah links

face book

twitter sorta

just google frankie cosmos if you want more info 

does it help when i post links. do you use them. do they work

H: frankie cosmos is blowing up right now but what if frankie cosmos literally blew up. THERE'S PIECES OF FRANKIE COSMOS EVERYWHERE!

F: not gonna blow up

H: but if you did blow up i could be like i know that person that blew up 

H: are you a krill fan

F: thats not what they LOOK LIKE 

F: are you a fan of Scrunchy Frosted Flakes of Corn? this is the cereal i just tried

here in the big old APPLE

H: wat are, you poor? no ive nedver had it please be courteous i am listening to the very good very sad new snail wonder

H: are you still a krill fan after seeing this 

F: wow thats so mean i cant believe they said that. the answer is no

H: porches. do i need to include the period? shouldn't it be in caps too? PORCHES, was probably my favorite band of 2012 so i was super-duper excited for slow dance in the cosmos and when it finally came out i'm like who is this chick she isn't half bad but then i checked out ~her own work~. :( [that's also for jokes and laughs]

F: porches is a good band, fog dog is a good song, but its pretty clear that i'm gonna leave those guys in the dust pretty soon & run off to wisconsin.

H: why was i too chicken to ask the girl out from my speech class three years ago

F: you had a fear of public speaking so it makes sense you were too chicken to ask her out in that environment. prob was a big mistake though, you coudld have been married by now.

H: i lack confidence sometimes. and i'm not happy w/ my appearance [can't grow decent beard :( ]

F: beards are dumb. she prob would have gone out with you if you weren't such a chicken

H: oh you probably don't wanna talk about porches. huh?

F: i actually love talking about porches. theyre a great band that i am in 

H: sometimes i get very emotional listening to daddies

F: that song is not emotional at all. get it together karnutz

H: are these questions fulfilling your hopes and dreams of being interviewed by me?

F: no they are not fulfilling my hopes and dreams because i dont think this is formatted well

H: i read all of your other interviews (not really, just for talk) so why is this your favorite interview?

F: this interview is better because it is not composed of questions.

H: you're music can be found at inbredsuperstar.bandcamp.com, right?

F: yes this is my website

H: wat the heck are those guys from double double whammy's problem? they never send me any free stuff. i've been like the nicest dude ever to them

F: double double whammy arent even giving me a free copy of my own album. im with you.

H: do you think i could get a lil lvl up shirt and space brothers lp and your new album for $25? i think that's a very, very good deal

of course the shirt wouldn't fit perfectly but i would look buff

F: and yes the shirt would look buff. get it

H: i guess frankie cosmos is my fourth favorite artist that starts w/ an F, by default behind fat history month, the fatty acids, fax Holiday

oh my god i forgot about flat swamp

but everybody forgets about flat swamp. burned ~ theo

yes, but wat about foreigner

juke. box. hero.

question left unanswered 

H: did you see ride along yet. I was gonna rent out a screen at a movie theater for the day and bring the whole eis gang but unfortunately didn't have enough time when I was out there :(

FC: havent seen it.. hayden karnitz, eis rookie on the force. are you watching the superbowl?

H: yeah. at a lame party, though. wat did you call me

?

F: ya i called u. *~*~*just to talk**~*~**

H: talk about wat, gremlins?

F: lol i was just kidding. i dont have yr number. i am at my house with very nice people. today i feel very low for some reason.

H: why, did u listen to krill or something..?
!

F: NO

H: did you know dan goldin used to have a baby pet cheetah?

F: did dan goldin really have a baby pet cheetah? i kind of believe you because it would be so crazy to make that up.

H: it was named Farkle before he had to move and give it up. i believe it resides in a zoo now. living comfortably

F: what zoo? did you and dan visit it together?

H: I haven't been to a zoo in 13 years

And a petting zoo in 4 months!

H: do you know how hard its is to download 30-40 albums at the same time w/o paying for any of them!? FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES

F: i've tried to talk to bandcamp about inventing a way to download someones entire "OEUVRE" ...i have asked bandcamp if i can work for them many times but they hate my ideas.

H: how was germany. i am german you skipped wisconsin

:(

F: germany was great. 2 bad you werent there

H: what do you think is the scariest movie? i think it's mars attack since I've been 9 years old. You know the one with the guy from the first 5 minutes of inception who gets fired because he's incompetent and is replaced by Ellen page. The guy with big ears

F: i dont watch many scary movies but i was pretty scarred by HALLOWEEN

H: British people give me a headache

F: the accent is what gives me a headache, the people are fine

H: that's what i meant

H: On a scale of David spade how funny am i?

F: on a scale of david spade how funny are you?  norm macdonald

H: Do you ever eat a package of ramen noodles raw? I mean I'm not doing that right now, I'm actually eating trail mix and that John stamos yogurt

F: what is john stamos yogurt? and no about the uncooked ramen

H: I wonder how tall breckin Meyer is

F: probably short. and i had to google breckin meyer. yr references are too vast for me

 H: Wow. This yogurt is terrible/ This isn't even normal yogurt texture. Is mad men as good as everybody says it is?

 F: never seen madmen

H: I've almost finished this yogurt. It has been a struggle

F: yogurt sometimes sucks

H: It is finished and I feel worse

H: do you like kal marks. i do. a lot 

F: hayden is this an interview? if not, i really like these emails ur sending me

H: Did you know that "woman Hitler" is anagram of "mother in law". Is that too edgy?

F: thats crazy

H: I'm not really in the mood to use my superb MS paint skills and put the north Korean flag in the back of one of your pics and be like "wtf frankie, please explain yourself"

F: then don't

H: What do you think I should listen to that I probably dont? I hear a lot of people talking about this "Lord" fella. I think I'll check him out

F: neva heard of him. you would probably like No One And The Somebodies http://nooneandthesomebodies.bandcamp.com/album/suspicious-package

H: I actually kind of fibbed earlier about Dan's cheetah. Its name was actually Winslow, not Farkle

F: i still dont know if i beliebe you

H: But this is 100% real and I don't know why he doesn't share this. Back in the mid 2000s he also tried his hand at screenwriting under the pseudonym Greg Fields. One of his screenplays ended up being made into a film starring Cuba Gooding Jr.! Yes, that is Omar Gooding's brother. Anyways the film centers around a 13 year old boy with early male pattern baldness. Isn't that neat?

F: i know, dan told me

H: Wow. You must have spent a lot of time working on the zentrophy cover artwork

F: aaron spent a lot of time setting up my dad's scanner. and then my friend Colin spent a lot of time making up like 30 fonts and i was really picky. so the answer is yes.

H: The movie's called "Harold" sorry I forgot to mention that.
F: next question

H: Are Muppets and sesame street set in the same universe or what

F: actually i'm not sure but the new muppets movie comes out on my birthday. havent googled a trailer for it yet

H: ok here's a first. let's try some word association. frankie cosmos answers in bold

PBR- gross

Leprosy- leprechaun

Exclusion- middle school

Am- late night or early morning

Sedative- xanny bar

Ear- hole

Rabbit- hole

Exploding in Sound- longest shows

Pie- apple

Ontario- canada

Normal- college

Despair- zits

Television- 30 rock

Orion- belt

Maximum- being                                                                        

Yesterday- over

Energy- lightbulb?

Mullosk- not a word (this is wat i meant but oh well i hope i got my message across)

Animal- human

Infinite- infinity

Liar- lier

Krill- uses all my products

Rapture- mayan

Inconclusive- The Staircase

Leather- ronnie

Lemon- :-*

H: You are stranded on a deserted island. What's the one record you bring and why?

F: Zentropy because i can sell it for food
H: damn you got the deserted island one almost perfectly. Whatever you were gonna say I was gonna instantly shoot down and say why wouldn't you bring an edible one; too bad, now you starved death. good job

H: Did you know I've been to Canada two times

F: i did know that because i googled you before agreeing to this interview

H: How do you determine a song's good enough to be released, to the public, for everyone to hear or do you just gargle for a minute in a half and say "sounds great! on to the next one."
That's what krill does except for about 3-4 minutes

F: i just gargle and then say sounds great. except the gargling is called singing and it takes a lot of hard work you JERK

H: because you have so many songs do you just hand em out like they're Jehovah witness brochures

F: yes how did you know??

H: What's the worst thing about america? Is it snapping turtles? They're vicious

F: some of the states are too big

H: What are your true aspirations especially if one of them is coming true as you're reading this right now, this very second

F: main aspiration is to be on this blog

H: Are/were gargoyles real?
F: yes they're all over NYC

H: What would you say is your earliest inspiration? Is it Eiffel 65? That's the first CD I ever bought
F: yes thats my favorite band/song/inspires everything about my life

H: I'm blue. That's not even the best song on that CD

H: there you go for now. It should keep you busy and up at night. You won't be able to sleep because last night in your dream you befriended a clown named Bornaroy and you played frisbee with him and then went to a party all before he chased you down on his go-cart and tried to kill you before you got away and he was shot dead by the police

F: not true i dreamed that i was saying "oh what a cute baby" and eating french fries and the french fries were the baby

H: nobody ever lets me debut a new song on this weakass blog unless i make up a big fat lie about one

F: you can debut a song of mine if u want

H: Why are you actually letting me post one of your songs on my blof

F: because i have so many songs i just hand em out like they're brochures

this is legit.

TO BE CONTINUED.

INTERVIEW: THE FATTY ACIDS (well sort of an interview)

josh from The Fatty Acids sat down (or stood up, i don't know) and answered some of the hardest hitting questions you'll find on the ol 'net and is sharing their new video. it's near the bottom so you'll have to read most of this just to get to it. and no, you can't just search youtube for the fatty acids worst part. that won't work. yes i'm aware the new krill song came out today but you've probably already listened to it so forget about it and read this. stop talking about krill in other bands interviews it's very disrespectful.

Obligatory find The Fatty Acids here:
Creepy Website
Bandcamp
Facebook
Twitter
abandoned shopping malls

-----------------------------------------------------------

H: i probably shouldn't be eating peanuts in bed 

The Fatty Acids: Just saw the Bob's Burgers episode where Linda is drunk and she goes, "Time to go to bed. Let's go crackers, you're coming with me." It made me LOL.

H: here we go for real
first of all i have to get this off my chest. was Football Team inspired by your days of high school football when you dropped a perfectly thrown pass in the state championship game costing your team the game and now 13 years later you want a chance at redemption by having the game played over even though everybody now is outta shape and it's hilarious much like the plot to the 1986 Robin Williams movie The Best of Times?

FAT: It's funny you ask because I kinda wanted to play football in elementary school (all the cool kids did), but my Dad wouldn't let me. Something about "kids shouldn't be treating the things that house their brains like battering rams," or some bullshit. So yeah, I am a field fairy for life. I really like your idea for a rematch though. That would be so funny.

H: it's my favorite Fatty Acids song (and better than every sat nite duets song)

FAT: Cool, good to hear that about SND. I wish we could play it live, but it's like impossible to sing? I guess the whole song is kinda scream-sung and I have the voice stamina of a pre-pubescent, just entering his or her special time? 

H: ooh watch out. this could potentially become a major sat nite duets diss-view

FAT: More like fat bite poohats LMFDO

H: you know they cheat at nfl blitz but wont admit it

FAT: I only knew because you are constantly tweeting this. Thank you for having the courage to speak out about it.

no problem

H: i may have yet to win but look at the circumstances:

not sober 

FAT: NP

H: i only play football games from this millennium

FAT: Dang there goes my "Music Blogger NES Tecmo Super Bowl Tournament 2014" idea

H: given bad controller only to be told months later "here's one with analog sticks"

FAT: haha

H: elvis grbac big head glitch

FAT: Hm

H: ok let's forget about them
now let's bash krill. hold on we'll do that later

FAT: K

H: describe your "sound" without using the words scramblepop or moist

FAT: Sexually ambiguous

H: if you could say one thing to krill what would it be (besides the whole email fiasco of 2013)

FAT: How do I confuse Exploding In Sound Records into thinking my band is good and getting them to sign us?

H: it worked for them
but i do i take back some of the things i said about them at the SND release show. But they are still not to be trusted

FAT: I know what you mean, look at the whole email fiasco of 2013, when it took Jonah like a month just to write me back!!!

H: what happened to Rat Baptist?

FAT: Rat is actually still around. He's been baptizing rats and smoking them up (in blunt format) on the regular.

H: the new vid will probably be great (blah blah blah insert longer explanation later) with past successes like Astrovan and Airsick

FAT: I think it's pretty neat. I don't know if it will hold up to those Kurt Raether Classics (KRCs), though.

H: the Unscreened/Conjugal Visit wasn't too shabby either

FAT: Thanks. It was ridiculously fun to make.

H: i don't smoke but i think i would look cooler if i did

FAT: No doubt 

H: Who do you wanna see win the super bowl?

FAT: I'd like to see Peyton Manning win the World Prize and then Father John (From Father John Pizza Co.) is there sucking him off at the Congrats Party but young Peyton can't get hard unless Father John starts talking about not wanting to give his employees healthcare.

H: i bring this up because the last time i stayed at sat nite duets house was the sunday the day before Aaron Rodgers got hurt

FAT: Dark Days

H: sometimes early in the day i will think of something very specific and then later that night i'll see it on tv. if that's not me being a psychic than what is it?

FAT: That's pretty strange. I'm very skeptical about psychic abilities, but there are all sorts of mysteries about human consciousness. For instance, do you know about the global consciousness project?

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Consciousness_Project

Random number generators "seem to be influenced by human consciousness to bring about a less-than-random sequence of data." This is one seemingly mystical idea that Carl Sagan was interested in, who was a skeptic to boot. "Supporters and skeptics have referred to the aim of the GCP as being analogous to detecting 'a great disturbance in The Force.'" Haha Star Wars is real.

H: Andy's going to hell! (for those that don't know Sat Nite Duets have a song titled Andy's Going to Heaven. get the joke now)

FAT: Check this out: RAW is War, War is Hell, Hell is real. Transitively, RAW IS REAL!!!

H: shit. probably should talk about Boléro at some point

FAT: Boring

H: and two thousand fourteen and all your endeavors

FAT: Boring

H: like like the the the death

FAT: Dope band

H: wait wait wait wait hold the fucking phone. what exactly do you have against juggalos?

FAT: nothing. they are wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful people. Matt actually grew up in Oconomowoc which is Juggalo haven. They sell faygo at every store. They are legally required to.

actually the end of song mysteriously titled "Hugs yr Bones" is based on a fictional account of 4 or 5 juggalos CRUISING toward the Dark Carnival, not unlike Luke Skytracker cruising toward the Desertwalker in the Super NES (aka Super Famicom) version of Star Trackers: The Final Resort. You like are cruising in this Sandcruiser toward the Desertwalker and you can fly all day if you want, but you won't get any closer to the Desertwalker unless you start shooting and killing the little Sandsmen. Another nice tidbit you should maybe know if you want to understand our spiritual relationship with the fam is that we were juggalos for a halloween show in 2013 and performed "Miracles" live and heard at least one person unironically say "oh they're rapping now?

H: but sat nite d's better watch out because i narked to their boss

FAT: About Blitz, or...?

H: i don't recall

H: fuck it's hard doing interviews without drinking 

FAT: It's hard living in Wisconsin without drinking :/

H: when i was 6 i was big into the land before time. i watched the first one so much (specifically the scene where littlefoot's mom dies) over and over and over that the vhs got stuck in my 13 inch tv with a built in vcr. holy shit it took me 3 minutes to remember what a vcr was. have you seen snow dogs?

FAT: I can't remember

H: why do some people think the crayon itself tastes better than the crayon paper. i mean come on

FAT: yeah i guess WAX ADDICTS wouldn't agree with this sentiment lol shout outs to mickey and sam wassup dogs

H: My last interview for Dead Wives got them 30 (and counting) more likes on the all important facebook 
[you're welcome DW]

FAT: If a band is interviewed on a blog, and they didn't get any more likes on facebook, did the interview really even happen?

H: what inspires you? animorphs?

FAT: Animorphs

H: my 18 year old goldfish died last summer and i'm still pretty bummed about it

in. the.                 last summer

FAT: Sorry man.

What is your fav song on Manland? Every time I listen I pick a new one, but a lot of the time it's "Whipped."

H: *b*i*g* *w*o*r*m* 

H: your new vid will probably wipe the floor with that one ^

FAT: Yeah, I mean, God willing

H: what do you think of palehound (please be like "who?" or "who's palehound?")

FAT: "who?" or "who's palehound?" 

H: I PREFER BOYSCOUTS (the band and you can't find them on the net, suckers. ok you can at last.fm but you can't listen to them!)

FAT: One night Andy played me some Boyscouts and I played him some Churchill (uh oh this interview is going down a dark path of obscure references). A fun fact is that Tim (the man dancing in the "Worst Part" vid) and I were in that band together. I played drums and he simultaneously sang, played bass and keyboard! It was pretty irresponsible.

H: what are you listening to right now besides the voices in your head telling you to do stuff that you don't wanna do or shouldn't do

FAT: Nothing currently, but earlier made a pour-over coffee while listening to DEVO which was a real trip!!! Pretty irresponsible!!!

H: somebody told me you're a huge buckcherry fan

FAT: Who?

H: did you enjoy the new krill song.

FAT: Yea

H: the real one, that can only be found on my site

FAT: Oh... I listened to the one that was one Stereogum or COS or WTF ever. Don't tell Jonah, but I went to every blog that Krill had a write up on, and tried to find the email of the writer, and was like "Hi! Jonah from Krill sent me here! You should care about my band!" One guy responded, which was better than usual. This is my life, I guess.

H: is it true that Boléro is cuban for "get me off this island. i'm tired of hanging out with monkeys"?

FAT: I can't remember

H: If you don't wanna talk about Toledo then what do you wanna talk about? Care bears? Toaster strudels? 

FAT: I would talk about Toledo, we have had good times there as a band. We have drank 4loko in Toledo, and written a song about it. This was in Toledo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPp-pv4RW4Q

H: Or cap'n crunch because you're "breakfast"

FAT: I don't condone sugary cereal because of type 2 diabetes.

H: Are you feeling ok because you seem like your down in the dumps

FAT: I'm okay, I just got back from Hawaii, and so I'm especially cold and bitchy. 

H: Have you ever seen a waterfalls

FAT: Saw some in Hawaii.

H: I've been growing a grapefruit tree for 4 years now. When should I expect to start getting delicious nutritious grapefruit?

FAT: I think you're going to have to move to Hawaii.

H: I'm not even gonna go back and correct the autocorrect of Boléro to Toledo

FAT: We can talk about Boléro, what do you want to know about Hawaii or Bolero? 

H: Boléro

FAT: Ok, well... Boléro is our third LP. We are generally happy with it. We took lots and lots of time with finishing touches on it. We record and mix ourselves so it's easy to get caught up in that stuff. I wrote some of the songs on my laptop drifting around Europe. Some of the manic and sappy lyrics reflect that period. Bass player Derek also wrote a few of the songs, but he always makes me do melody stuff and write the lyrics because he is too busy educating the young or something??? All he has time for is to write bass parts??? But it's very collaborative in all. Everyone is doing what they want to be doing. Even if I told drummer Cole to play a certain beat, he would probably do something else. Which is good I think. We just basically tell guitar player Rat Baptist to solo at all times, but he is generally baptizing and smoking up rats. Kurt is bonkin around playin various things but he quit now so we are going to stop playing some Boléro stuff live for a while.

The title refers to a few different things, but is mostly a reflection on the life of Maurice Ravel. It refers to confronting the terror that during your greatest, most creative period in your life, your brain might be disintegrating. Or in the case of Dostoyevsky, your inconceivable joy might be caused by a tumor. On a less depressing note, Boléro also refers to the cyclical nature of things, relationships, drum machines, cats begging for snacks, etc

Um, but, yeah we have lots of beautiful, blue vinyls in our closet that we want to sell? 

H: Does the name FLAT SWAMP mean anything to you?
It should

FAT: Jeez. It's not ringing any bells... I feel like a lot of swamps are flat? Due to their swampy materials interacting with gravity?

H: You sure you haven't seen FLAT SWAMP written somewhere. maybe near a vertically written "lowt ide"?
Maybe like above a urinal somewhere
In a bar
In Milwaukee
$0.25

FAT: Listening to Flat Swamp now they are tite. Did you write them on the wall at Quarters Rock 'n Roll Palace? 

H:                   :]

H: Did you know if people want bolero for free all they have to do is download each individual track separately. Lifehack#

FAT: This is a good trick. I didn't know this. Should I be a fucking dick and make each separate song $1? I like the idea of people stealing it, though. I will be v happy indeed when I can find Bolero on Pirate Bay. Speaking of words that are supposed to have accents in them, this is the last time we name an album something with an accent in it!!!!!!! So much work to figure out how to get it in there!!!!!!!!

H: You can be a dick because I already have it. *puts on shades he bought from homeless dude outside Sat nite duets old house*

FAT: Can you explain this further?

i'm not gonna post my reply for legal purposes 

......
H: i'm very generous

FAT: sounds woundrous

wound dress

H: Why do you call yourself @kribberstinykin

FAT: Our band house is called Kribber's Tiny Kingdom (named after cat, Kribber, and drinking game based on said cat and subsequent fake record label based on aforementioned game and cat it's named after). When we made the twitter, that's all they would let us type. 

blogger is a bitch and won't let me easily post the video so just click on this sentence whenever to watch it 

FAT: The idea for the video was basically "hey let's rip of Fatboy Slim's 'Praise You' vid." I really wanted one static shot of my friend Tim dancing in NYC, preferably in a crowded area where he could interact with strangers. He is the most extroverted, charming, hilarious man I have ever met, and I knew it would be good no matter where he was/what he was doing. When I was out at CMJ I carried a boombox and camera around with me, but it just never worked out. So I asked Tim to send me some vids. A couple months later he gave me about 20 files, all shot on my friend Chrissy's iPhone. I took a crash course in Adobe Premiere, and this is what happened.

H: what if you changed your name to The Fatty ASSHEADS

FAT: lol now "they've" thought of everything!!!

Interview: DEAD WIVES; YES, THAT DEAD WIVES

i hope you enjoyed the grammys if you watched them. good job with all the "*insert obscure band name here* got snubbed" jokes. i was watching armageddon instead. but since that movie had so many commercials i tried to watch some of the grammys during the break but it too was on commercial. so then i watched the hangover part 2. i think it's ok but i've only seen it 1.5ish times. fuck those stupid robots. anyways here is a brand new interview you can read or print off and eat. either way just digest it.

i feel like i'm obligated to so here's all of dead wives stuff and according to last.fm they're "on tour"
bandcamp
face book 
twitter
myspace
good luck finding them anywhere else

H: why does my aunt always make lasagna every time there's a get together at her house?

DW: She's probably into Garfield.

H: what was it like to finally play in front of yours truly?

DW: I was nervous. By the way Hayden, thank you so much for not heckling. You also requesting 2 songs, one of which we actually had practiced, and you later tweeting that you want to sign us to your new label, ensuring us with the millions of dollars that we so rightfully deserve. I don't think Drummer Mike or Jumanji were nervous, but I was kinda buggin. Hayden, you are too powerful and intimidating. You're like the remote mob boss of Exploding In Sound.

H: You brought back the night terrors by saying jumanji. the monkey boy is evil

DW: Well his real name is Julian, but my cousin used to call him "The Ju Man," and eventually "Ju-Man" was expanded to "Jumanji." I'm pretty sure I saw this movie in the 90s, but I didn't pay attention very well. They play Jethro Tull in one part.

H: lowt ide?

lowt ide.

lowt ide!

DW: I'm happy you brought this up. Lowt Ide is not even music. My neighbor who used to piss on cats could make a better album than this. Lowt Ide's first album was mostly comprised of hedge clipper noises and a few songs where 80s (this dude we call 80s) would play flashy guitar solos while surrounded by chainsaws and rotting corpses. They're a disgusting stain on our beloved nation. If it hadn't been for Lowt Ide, Michael Jackson would still be alive today. The Satanists finally have a band to call their own. I think they think they're funny or something, but they're not. They used to hang out at Anal Cunt shows handing out job resumes and Lowt Ide CDs, where a writer from the Trumbull Times caught a listen and wrote their first big review: "I couldn't even get 5 seconds into this record without having to put my hands over my ears. By the time i had rushed over to the stereo to stop this horrendous atrocity, my speakers had blown out. Thanks a lot guys." They are a communist conspiracy designed by the government to distract the masses with their Satanic propensities. Their albums are funded by generous corporate sponsorship. Great men such as Billy Mays and Steve Jobs sealed their fate once writing grant checks to Lowt Ide. It's not a coincidence that they've since been eliminated. Lowt Ide's next album "Tag Sale" will be released in the Spring of 2014.

H: where is the dead wives doll today?

DW: It was in my grandma's house, but someone in my family might have taken it.

H: what was the inspiration behind don't stop bleeding. the lyrics are very enticing. it's probably the best song in the whole wide world

DW: I came home from work and that melody was stuck in my head. I think it sounds kinda stupid, but we turned it into a song anyway. I thought it sounded like Thurston Moore at first. The second part of the song came together about 8 months later after listening to Japandroids' "Post-Nothing" way too many times. The lyrics are purposely absurd. 

H: can you send me the dead wives doll

DW: I don't know where it is. But wherever it ended up, i'm sure it's really gross and covered in dust and dirt. 

H: i mean i will probably give you something for it

DW: Oh, well in that case maybe. 

H: do you believe in magic 

DW: And i hope you do. You'll always have a friend wearin' big red shoes.

H: you are dating yourself with that reference

H: let's not talk about lip keebler's dead wives

DW: Fair enough.

H: what does the future hold for dead wives? hibernation?

DW: Definitely not hibernation. More music and shows. Drummer Mike is engineering and mixing our full length. Two more 8-song demos may arrive within the next few months to complete Lip's Basement Trilogy. 

H: do you ever just sit on the couch and go man i am dead wives, i wish all my other projects could be this cool

DW: This happens with Lowt Ide.

H: i hope in 20-30 years dead wives is in a bank of america card commercial like the one with the old ladies and you're buying a weird beer and the rest of dead wives give you a wtf look but you too shrug it off like whatevs.

DW: Oh, you mean like the band actually appearing in a commercial. I thought you just meant one of our songs. Sadie says hi.

H: happy 13th birthday, are you pregnant yet?

DW: Good song. That's our Maroon 5 collab. I have very little memory of recording it.

H: let's make this a dead wives/lowt ide interview

DW: Yes, well, Lowt Ide has a release called "Tag Sale" coming out very soon. We've been recording it since 2009. Sadly, we were not able to include the lost classic "Pene de Caballo" (Spanish for "horse penis"), but it may be included on a future Lowt Ide album.

H: lowt ide #1 

DW: Lowt Ide ruined my life.

H: nah we better not do that. have you fucked a cement truck?

DW: I don't remember which song that is. Possibly one of the metal jams.

H: ok i'm done using lowt ide song titles as questions

DW: Okay!

H: aren't you like a librarian in real life?

DW: No, I go to school for library stuff. I might work at a college library someday maybe.

H: what is a normal saturday night like for dead wives? 

DW: Jumanji watches a lot of NBA and he's in The Screw-ups. Drummer Mike teaches guitar and drums n stuff, and he's like a rock band coach or something. I play shows with Speedy Ortiz a lot.

H: i just learned there are two mikes in dead wives

H: dead wives. dead wives. dead wives forever. dead wives forever and ever. what a great name dead wives is. nobody ever uses dead in a band name

DW: I'm kinda upset about the lack of Krill-related questions. We're aware that other bands have the word "dead" in their name, as unbelievable as that may sound. Dead Wives is named after the song "My Wife and My Dead Wife" by Robyn Hitchcock.

H: how many children do you have

DW: Do sperm count?

H: what would dead wives do with $50

DW: Shawarma with hummus and falafel. And beer.

H: do you like venison 

DW: I've never had it before. Tell me about it please. Are you a hunter?

H: deer meat is good. I used to be...

DW: Reformed, I see.

H: I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody! yeah i met that guy. who is the most famous person dead wives has met? yeah go ahead and say me that's cool and all but it would be better if you said someone else

DW: I'm not sure who you're referring to, but he sounds amazing. Is he a hunter? We've played with Ovlov who are pretty much the world's most famous band.

H: Obviously you've never seen cool runnings.. 

DW: Actually this was on the other night... I watched about 10 minutes of Cool Runnings with Devin McKnight and Elliot Colbert before falling asleep. If I recall correctly, this was John Candy's posthumous final movie. You might like Ween's "Chocolate and Cheese" LP which was dedicated to John Candy a few months later.

H: you recall incorrectly. his final movie was Canadian Bacon

H: i feel bad for knocking the slut life tape off the table in ny in a poor attempt at humor. it is a very good tape and didnt deserve that

DW: Now that I'm remembering that moment, it was actually kinda funny. Jeff Peck's intro song "10 Guitars" is the most important song on that tape.

H: what makes you cry

DW: "B-Kind" by Grass Is Green. Sad puppies are dicks because they make me feeling guilty for not crying at them.

H: should i become a cop

DW: God help us all.

H: look at yourself.. why don't you do something with your life

DW: Beer is something.

H: that's seinfeld

H: if you were not dead wives what would you be doing instead

DW: Abstract paintings of Hayden Karnutz.

H: if you could spell my name right that would be swell. please, it's right there in the email

DW: Ok... "Hayden Karnitz." What do I win?

H: probably nothing or a gun i made

H: next time i see dead wives should i wear a tuxedo and smoke a cigar

DW: Like Mr. Peanut? 

H: with a top hat too

DW: Like the Monopoly guy. 

H: but i thought it was still cool to rep that leather jacket last time. i looked tough

DW: Leather jackets are often a crucial accessory. Your leather jacket assists with your image of authority. I'm in a cover band called Gargamel, and the guitar player 80s (we call him "80s" because he's so 80s) occasionally wears a Napalm Death leather jacket to some of our shows. 

H: i told myself i would stop bringing up krill in interviews so let's not talk about them (put this in italics)

DW: Darl just mentioned that Krill should run for office.

H: durl is not too bright if he thinks that

DW: I would vote for Krill. Don't lie. You would vote for Krill. 

H: i mean three people can't run for one office spot

DW: But if they did, they would obviously win

H: you go on sesame street, but NOW YOU'RE DAD WIVES or DECENT WIVES

DW: Definitely Dad Wives. Snuffleupagus is dope.

H: what do you think you received for 2nd prize

DW: Oreo milkshakes.

H: when the fuck did i give you an oreo milkshake

DW: I just want one. Whether or not it's a gift from Hayden makes no diff.

H: omg you play with flatr swamp soon

DW: Yeah, i'm gonna see them in a few days at Berfest and then again when we play with them in Boston. I have double-drummer-emphathy for Theo because he's a songwriting drummer. Eventually, I'd like to book a series of shows featuring all the misfit/outcast "Side project" bands associated with Exploding in Sound. 

H: is this enough questions yet

DW: I was hoping to get more into the conspiracy behind Lowt Ide.

H: i guess that depends on your answers

DW: I guess that depends on your questions.

H: when was the last dead wives interview

DW: Dead Wives doesn't get interviewed because we suck.

H: sometimes i can't sleep but i don;t think it's insomnia yet. just like being nervous and stuff

DW: Oh yeah, those racing thoughts. I hate that shit. Sleeping is better than thinking.

H: lol on king of queens doug (kevin James) just said "i spilled your bath salts". remember when that was the craze

DW: We saw a really scary bath salts dude on the last Speedy Ortiz summer tour. He seemed very unpredictable and dangerous, just kinda wandering around the streets of Seattle. We got scared that he might overpower us and eat our faces, so we yelled something to the effect of "OH MY GOD GET THE FUCK IN THE CAR" and we all raced inside and watched this guy for a minute. He was sorta stumbling around and speaking really intense gibberish to no one in particular. We sped away when he started approaching our car. Seriously frightening.

H: here comes the boom (In the comedy Here Comes the Boom, former collegiate wrestler Scott Voss (Kevin James) is a 42-year-old apathetic biology teacher in a failing high school. When cutbacks threaten to cancel the music program and lay off its teacher (Henry Winkler,) Scott begins to raise money by moonlighting as a mixed martial arts fighter. Everyone thinks Scott is crazy - most of all the school nurse, Bella (Salma Hayek) - but in his quest, Scott gains something he never expected as he becomes a sensation that rallies the entire school.)

DW: I was saying "boo-urns." I'm pretty sure this interview was mostly incomprehensible, but whatever.

H: YOU never answered who killed graph

DW: Chuck Robidoux might be better for this question... As far as I know, their bass player Ry moved to the west coast, and they've occasionally reformed for a few one-off shows ever since. So basically, yes, the rumors are true... @killquilty killed graph. 

H: i've been saying this all along

it's obvious that i am better at MS Paint than krill

PREMIERE: KRILL - SWEET DEATH

Wow. I can't believe it but hear it here first, the new Krill song- Sweet Death. thanks a bunch to Krill for letting me premiere their new track.

Sweet Death, is the second song overall on the upcoming EP, Steve Hears Pile in Malden and Bursts into Tears.
The new track sees a different version of Krill, introducing gang vocals and also sound effects. Along with whistling and a horn section, Krill goes all in on Sweet Death. It features what may be the most vulgar lyrics Krill has ever wrote. But for how vulgar it may be it is also haunting with leadman Geoff Truman wailing watch me put this tail in a socket; she lights up just like a Christmas tree before warning don't try this at home. The sheer agony in Truman's voice whilst he whimpers you gotta love me when the song closes will keep you up at night... in anticipation of what Krill may someday become.

To Krillfinity and beyond.

SHPiMaBiT is out February 18th, 2014