December 30th, 2013
estimated time 1:48 PM Eastern Standard Time: i eat a bagel sandwich or some shit on the curb while dan points out kevin from shark? walking by but my mouth is too full to shout "sellout" he has no idea wat's gonna go down that night.
2:00ish PM: the gang arrive at baby's all right. their employees are wearing what they think are cool sweaters but everyone knows that i'm wearing the coolest one. because of this i'm rewarded w/ 3 drink tickets
i sit at the merch table and look like i'm very f-ing important (i mean i am. but i was just there to enjoy the show that day)
i don't know the exact time for wat went down the rest of the day. in fact i can barely make a frozen pizza which is wat i'm doing right now as i'm typing this and you're reading this why are you continuing to read this run on keep running on and period.
ovlov played new shit that was dope and some of the classics that aren't small voices or blue baby. boner stole the show. just kidding, no he didn't. please answer my texts boner.
i asked theo when flat swamp was gonna play and he said they were up next but we both knew that wasn't true.
gnarwhal
i tweeted "gnarwhal was gnarly" and some girl from my hometown barron, wi favorited it because that makes fucking sense.
pile (acoustic btw) wow. where do we begin? pile's like a two headed monster, you got demonstration & jerk routine sitting on the same shoulders with it's other head magic isn't real, big web ep & dripping. rick is a genius. it was fuggin special to me personally man, especially raised by ghosts.
i think it was during fidget some dude fainted and rick started laughing and even though it could have been a serious medical issue i laughed too.
somewhere around this time i finally met frankie cosmos and she told me she was a big fan of my work and i said i wish i could say the same. Ride Along is in theaters January 17th.
woozy
hands down the best early on. i was feeling very relaxed during their set even though it was a very big day. i don't know what i'll do with myself when i'll finally get to hear the woozy/ovlov/gnarwhal split.
two inch astronaut
jesus christ, it felt like they played for two and a half hours.
bad history month
a little late but more than made up for it. i was too much in awe to shout out cat in box or impromptu you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends nose, but you can't escape your horrible family. i would later joke with jefe about being late near the water fountain or how do you say it out east, bubbler? but then i felt bad and had to grab another beer. especially after that bro hug, i am ashamed for always being a jokester. i should be more respectful.
i receive a third compliment on my shirt (Sat. Nite Duets, mofo. no the shirt doesn't say SND, mofo. but that would be a cool idea for a shirt). however, this time it's an obligatory one from their boss at Uninhabitable Mansions. look for a radical dads interview sometime in two thousand and fourteen.
grass is green
hey look it's the 4th time i've seen GiG this year (i reside in WI for f sakes) and the 3rd time they haven't played Tricky Tim. oh man, wat a diss. all kidding inside, that's right. keep it inside. it's time to grow up. no more joking around. you run a very reputable blog. wow i spelled reputable right on the first try, no red line. the new songs sounded search synonyms for great and i can't wait for vacation vinny. but i forgot to pick up my copy. really dropped the ball on this one. i only just said that because you know, new years.
at this point i'm trying to locate a marker for "the merch table". we all know wat i'm gonna really use that marker for. no need to explain it right now. but i did sell a shirt and almost sold another one so if anybody needs a merch guy. h.m.u. (*contact me, you should be able to find my gmail on here somewhere)
baked
i didn't know what to expect but very *chill* and now i know i'll have to listen to them more. you can't blame me for not knowing every fricken band like i'm some sort of genuis but you can blame me for not using proper capitalization and punctuation. and davey is cool so check out this and this,
by this point i'm getting pretty worried that kal marks isn't playing.
the dude at the door won't let me borrow his marker for two fucking minutes because he needs it and he's a jerk. instead he marks my hand because i guess i'm not trusted to freely roam around this joint.
big ups
a bunch of hooligans couldn't even stand still during their set. very disrespectful for the rest of the crowd that didn't pay to get in but had already used all 3 of his drink tickets and already spent $30 at the bar. thanks for the free beer BU by the way but it still hasn't changed my opinion. all right, body parts is a good song in my book but i don't write books. all i have is this blog.
> i'll send you 18 hours of static for free just email if interested ok? thanks. or if you ever wanna call them too i have their number but i'm not a big enough dick to post it on here. actually it's within this post if you look really hard for it :) (big ups can't see anything inside the arrows) <
it's official. kal marks isn't playing. i am now bummed.
i get a beer that's "on the house"
roomrunner
ok i'll be the first to admit that i missed some of this because i had to wait in line to use the f-in bathroom. and wasted several minutes at the bar (trying to locate a marker for business). how does anyone survive on $5-6 for ONE WHOLE BEER? that being said i feel like a piece of shit leaving ideal cities off my best of list. what a dumb fricken mistake. i apologize
somewhere around this time the "guy" that runs the ava luna tweeter account said he saw me but was too afraid to say hi like im intimidating or something (6'3" 210lbs irl/twitter fiend)
@hkarnutz i'm a creep i saw you today but i did not say hi. you were only pointed out to me at the last second before i had 2 go
— Ava Luna (@avalunaband) December 31, 2013
i also finally introduce myself to shark?.
@hkarnutz sorry I thought you were an asshole 🍤🍼🍳
— Shark? (@shrkquestionmrk) December 31, 2013
a little while after cool andy from shark? temporarily bequeaths me a very fine jacket and we go outside. a guy says he's from wisconsin too and i'm like that's cool, but we all know i'm the raddest dude from wi here.dead wives
i've spent the last three days trying to summarize my feelings about seeing dead wives but i just can't put it into words. i remember setting somebody's backpack and my beer(s) on stage. and then fist pumping ol' dead wives after don't stop bleeding.
ok i just got done taking a 30 minute shower of reflection and came out more dirty than clean. and i drank a bunch of off brand nyquil and now i'm feeling woozy. ha. should move that statement up there ↑. it's definitely safe to say that i'm the world's biggest dead wives fan. no question. put your hands down. it's no question.
i'm looking very good during their set.
.@hkarnutz nice leather jacket bro
— Shark? (@shrkquestionmrk) December 31, 2013
krill
this is what everybody was waiting for. no, not for krill, but for my reaction to krilll. some guy named luke told me he used to be in daysleeper & krill but at this point he shall be ignored. i am the cherry begins to play. woah, hold on here a sec. krill could be ok. oh wait, never mind. ron or whatever they call him, i didn't really make it a priority to learn his name screwed up at the beginning. in actuality i was on beer number 12ish so i didn't even notice. probably shouldn't have told me that Rowland but now i'll forever hold it against you. they also "played" purity of heart. that was cool. johan or w/e his name from krill kept staring and winking at me during the entire set. i said nice haircut, but i didn't mean it. i forgot wat else they played. oh and i believe the guy who shares the same name as the dude that got swallowed by the whale in the old testament tried to hand me his based guitar but the aforementioned luke took it instead which was probably safer for all those involved.
PORCHES.
holy heck. i met aaron and kevin earlier saturday and was thoroughly impressed with that stuff they played. but $7 is way too much for a jack and coke. i could never survive out here.
anyways PORCHES. just likes to keep reminding me that i can only have one favorite band and they're it. the killers on summer of ten are a-hole nother beast live and this buffoon couldn't have been any happier. just damn. my credibility keeps getting better and better.
average cock
sounded way too similar to speedy ortiz, who i had just seen twice a few weeks prior. even the one dude looked like that guy from graph. i skipped quite a bit of this to talk to the cool dudes from LVL UP (mike was late (bad tweeter mike, that one)) and shark?. ok spoiler alert it was speedy ortiz or should i say speedy orTEASE because they never f-ing play Curling or Doomsday
FINALLY OVER. i forgot to "grab" a palehound tape. dammit max you were supposed to remind to "pick" one up. continued to drink and shit (not literally shit though, did that 2x earlier), made my final mark on the show. wrote "flat swamp?" with a shitty pen on the bathroom stall.
eventually left. rode with grass is green because i was in no condition to walk. for real, i'm very much out of shape. ate pizza; drank dr. pepper.
went back to saint goldin's and slept on much too short couch again because i was very tired and slept like a baby; i cried myself to sleep because it was such an emotional day.
December 31st, 2013
oh shit, not hungover. wat a great start to the day.
4ish(?) hour drive to boston. stop to pee and mcdonalds.
neat, i got to see beautiful nü england
we arrive. bored. must wait for $2 tall boys.......................... ok no more waiting. get me a sam adams.
everybody is curious wat i will wear in my boston debut. sure they say, "nice sweatshirt" but they have no idea what's underneath.
"oh cool you know those $2 tall boys we were talkin bout? yeah, they're actually $2.25.." - somebody's gonna get a poor review on yelp. of course i'm paying in cash
someone mentions to me that my krill shirt is on backwards
i meet a vegan. i gave him a nuggie later the night. now he knows who the f i am.
"your krill shirt's on backwards" - yeah i know
"hayden, do you have a smartphone?" - krill
"is that some sort of statement?" - asking about my shirt
kal marks
finally. i was very smart and didn't pack any white boxers or briefs with me. that's right, i wear both. (i feel like there should be a winky face there but idk, not gonna do it). actually i'm fully in control of my bowels but this night KM had a different feel. a very much more hardcore feel/sludgier than the past two times i've seen them. goddamn. wat happened to the elegance and beauty? knocked that bitch right out the door; that's wat happened. the word sludge should always be in bold. when i see kal live it feels like i'm swimming through a mud pit. which i have done before.
two inch astronaut
i remember most of the night up until 2amish (i was gonna switch this to say 2AMish instead, but it looks cool the way it is. like i'm 2amish for you, Ezekiel. churn on my level.) so i don't recall fer sure if 2" or GiG went after Kal. either way,
grass is green
it should be noted that i am thanked before krill in the linear notes for vacation vinny making it official what we've known all along, that i'm better than krill.
it was the usual grass is green you know, didn't play any of my requests. but still decent. VV is gonna be sick or shall i say slick. the oven's probably pre-heated i probably should go throw in the pizza. this time i'm actually gonna throw it in, like a frisbee. ultimate frisbee is lame. big dog tee shirt birthday weekend 4 lyfe.
ok back, pizza in oven. i'm not burned. but i'm about to do some burning
fuck. i can't even finish the whole pizza. speaking of pizza, regina's pizza was very forgettable. alex trebek has been representing colonial penn for over 10 years.
this happened sometime afterwards
Q: Guess who slapped me in the face? A: duh @hkarnutz
— mfalc (@malfc) January 1, 2014
........krill
so i used my large, muscular body to push my way to the front row.
. @hkarnutz is front row, tread lightly @krilliamhmacy
— space mtn (@colebcole) January 1, 2014
they played a few forgettable songs before the new years countdown began and they paused for it while we got to watch the guy from kangaroo jack lead the big countdown. i had a great insult ready. it went like this "hey Beaker, where's Dr. Honeydew?" see, coming from that krill's a muppet angle again. ok the beer's settling in and taking effect. i'm thrilled w/ krill. i'm ready for violence. violence is ready for me. people begin to sorta of mosh..- am i using that term correctly here? my main objective was trying to push little ones into the drums and wreak havoc. i also tried to pick up that guy luke but holy shit was he heavy. he played wat i assume was 32 teeth with the krill gang earlier. i felt bad for him because everybody could tell that ian replacing him was for the better. it didn't really feel like 2014 but then again it wasn't really 2014 for me because in the land o' Wisconsin it was still 2013.
the horrified screams of if you wanna feel like a failure, that's yer right will haunt my dreams forever.
i just remembered. they tried to play FHM and i was amazed, yet ashamed.
i'd probably be willing to get drunk at a krill show again someday. it could be fun.
show over.
i say goodbye to my homies from esploding end sawnd.
i don't remember the car ride, i think i rode with krill
o sweet. going to after party. give me that jameson rowland, i've only had several beers and the drunk tweets aint flying like they should but we're walking so it's hard to walk/drink/tweet
cool. some house i'll forget. oh boy the gang's all here.
i'm inside but i have to pee. i've never been here before. i'm going outside to piss. there, these garbage cans look secluded enough from the street. let it stream. i've marked my "terror"tory. i am number one heckler here now.
oh so that's where the bathroom is inside. thanks for telling me now two inch astronaut
let me just take that beer from you quick and you too and you and you and i'll take a swig of your beer too. thanks. more jameson too ronaldo
people talk to me, i crack jokes. everyone laughs. EVERYONE LAUGHS.
EVERYONE LAUGHS.
ok party over. let's ride, krill. man you drive fast whoever's driving, take it easy on those wide turns
ok i'll sleep on the ride, very tired-----very tired.././/////.,.
i hear a woman's and/or krill's voice. i guess this happens next
@hkarnutz puked in the krill car and is now passed out on the krill air mattress. 2014 startin off right
— krill (@krilliamhmacy) January 1, 2014
ok i'm pretty sure i made it outside of the car first. also there was none on my shirt or pants so it couldn't have been so bad. if my bout of emesis had occurred in the car then i'm convinced krill bathed me and washed my clothes while i was "sleeping"fuck. wake up at 8:42 alarm with my contacts still in and shoes on.
walk out to the car where my "pile" (get it?) of disgorgement is laying. krill says that's from last night. well i thought more came up than that.
off to the airport. get my boarding pass. go through security. krill shirt still backwards.
I'M STILL DRUNK.
