I just want to start by saying that Dan Goldin paid me nothing for this.
1) Have you ever had an experience that you would say impacted your life?
me: one time i fell in a trough of cow shit when i was little. another one: it was 3 years ago almost to the day and i was a freshman in college waiting for the next compilation from this site called exploding in sound (?) because they hadn't let me down before then. one of the bands on there, two inch astronaut, caught my eye because hey what an unusual name and that's why i'm typing this right now.
2) So hypothetically, the world is ending tomorrow. A few people will be left and they will eventually rebuild civilization. You can be remembered among them either as you are, plain old Hayden Karnitz, or a fourth member of Krill who played an instrument of your choosing. Which do you choose?
well i'm certainly far from plain. wait. i did not survive? what the heck man. ok i'll play along. i'll be in krill but i take over vocals because let's be honest, it can't get much worse.
people discover krill w/ hayden, begin to worship it and 1000s of years down the road i'm like a god to them with the rest of krill being my disciples. wars are fought in my name. every june 29th the world celebrates my birth like it's fuggin christmas.
3) Tell us about your first kiss
my "two inch astronaut" was ready for liftoff if you catch my drift. (i was 13 and not fully developed yet)
4) You recently stated that you were "surprised" by how much you liked Bad Brother? What the fuck were you trying to say, boy?
first of all you don't need to swear, i've always been nice to you. uh because previously ever since this it had been all downhill. but on BB there's like FIVE good songs that i've listened to more than twice. still don't know if it was worth $13 tho.
5) Do you think it is okay for me to still have feelings for my ex?
i'm no expert but life is short and your "career" in music will be even shorter. no, it's not ok. quit being a little bitch and move on.
6) Who, in your opinion, is the most overrated band in the world presently?
i was gonna say ava luna but then i actually listened to them today and thought hey, not so bad, friday the 13th. kneel before satan. ah this one is difficult, so let's say Haim or palehound
7) Have you heard "bitch we deep" by dead wives? That's a good one.
first of all that's Lip Keebler's Dead Wives. don't ever mention them to me again. ever. that being said yes i have. it's not as good as old dead wives or new dead wives.
8) I'm gonna throw out some terms and you just say the first thing that comes to mind: Goldin, Kirsten, Lava, Cornflakes, Devin, Porches
dave's cooler, i don't know who you're trying to reference so no funny joke from me on that one, molten rock expelled from a volcano during an eruption, frosted or gtfo, did he put you up to this?, phlegm
10) Do you have a criminal record? Have you ever contracted a disease?
i have never been arrested and i am very well behaved. besides a cold sore here and there i'm pretty darn healthy.
11) What do you think question 9 was?
ok here it is.
what do you think the future holds for two inch?
two inch makes a very little impact until late 2014 when two inch becomes the first band to be let go from exploding in sound records for undisclosed reasons. in a fit of rage on new years eve, disheveled former 2' inch front man sam, attacks krill "singer" ezra furman's brother, choking him. furman jr ends up in the hospital. doctors say he may never be able to "sing" again. heartbroken, the krill dude rips out his catheter and vows that he will return; better than ever. piss is everywhere.
after months of practicing, tony returns to krill. the rest of the unnamed band members notice there's a huge difference. a better difference. all of a sudden krill becomes a cohesive force. people begin to take notice, krill shows are packed until frankie cosmos comes on stage and then most of them leave.
5 months later krill is on snl with very funny host kevin hart. lol this guy's hilarious. probably the funniest guy in the world right now. so funny. he's crazy funny man.
killin it on snl, or as the teenagers now say krillin it, krill becomes bigger than Fun. the world is crazy for krill. they tour worldwide with kevin hart because wow, what a tandem they would make. it's may 2016, frumple from krill is smoking an e-cig in baltimore when a drunken homeless man comes up to him. he tells him "sorry for what i did so long ago, but it was actually for the better if you think about it." truman pauses.... then screams "BULLSHIT I CAN ENTERTAIN MYSELF" and walks away before a group of midgets beat up the homeless man.
don't do anything with two inch astronaut here: http://twoinchastronaut.bandcamp.com/
or here: https://twitter.com/2inchastronaut
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