FRANKIE COSMOS INTERVIEW: I Mean Not Really But At Least It Comes With a New Song I Guess That's Cool Part 1

oh could it really be happening. another soon to be critically acclaimed interview this time with 3--'s best new tracker, frankie cosmos 

so very kind of cosmos to do this even if she didn't do a good job answering questions. what's that, don't like interviews? don't like to read? dont no how 2 reed¿ that's ok because if you scroll all the way down there is a new frankie cosmos track! oh cool hayden thanks. YOU WON'T FIND IT ANYWHERE ELSE SO DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND CHECK IT OUT. this is my valentines day present to the world as i have too much love to give to just one single human

it's 4 am and this is good enough 

blah blah blah links

face book

twitter sorta

just google frankie cosmos if you want more info 

does it help when i post links. do you use them. do they work

H: frankie cosmos is blowing up right now but what if frankie cosmos literally blew up. THERE'S PIECES OF FRANKIE COSMOS EVERYWHERE!

F: not gonna blow up

H: but if you did blow up i could be like i know that person that blew up 

H: are you a krill fan

F: thats not what they LOOK LIKE 

F: are you a fan of Scrunchy Frosted Flakes of Corn? this is the cereal i just tried

here in the big old APPLE

H: wat are, you poor? no ive nedver had it please be courteous i am listening to the very good very sad new snail wonder

H: are you still a krill fan after seeing this 

F: wow thats so mean i cant believe they said that. the answer is no

H: porches. do i need to include the period? shouldn't it be in caps too? PORCHES, was probably my favorite band of 2012 so i was super-duper excited for slow dance in the cosmos and when it finally came out i'm like who is this chick she isn't half bad but then i checked out ~her own work~. :( [that's also for jokes and laughs]

F: porches is a good band, fog dog is a good song, but its pretty clear that i'm gonna leave those guys in the dust pretty soon & run off to wisconsin.

H: why was i too chicken to ask the girl out from my speech class three years ago

F: you had a fear of public speaking so it makes sense you were too chicken to ask her out in that environment. prob was a big mistake though, you coudld have been married by now.

H: i lack confidence sometimes. and i'm not happy w/ my appearance [can't grow decent beard :( ]

F: beards are dumb. she prob would have gone out with you if you weren't such a chicken

H: oh you probably don't wanna talk about porches. huh?

F: i actually love talking about porches. theyre a great band that i am in 

H: sometimes i get very emotional listening to daddies

F: that song is not emotional at all. get it together karnutz

H: are these questions fulfilling your hopes and dreams of being interviewed by me?

F: no they are not fulfilling my hopes and dreams because i dont think this is formatted well

H: i read all of your other interviews (not really, just for talk) so why is this your favorite interview?

F: this interview is better because it is not composed of questions.

H: you're music can be found at inbredsuperstar.bandcamp.com, right?

F: yes this is my website

H: wat the heck are those guys from double double whammy's problem? they never send me any free stuff. i've been like the nicest dude ever to them

F: double double whammy arent even giving me a free copy of my own album. im with you.

H: do you think i could get a lil lvl up shirt and space brothers lp and your new album for $25? i think that's a very, very good deal

of course the shirt wouldn't fit perfectly but i would look buff

F: and yes the shirt would look buff. get it

H: i guess frankie cosmos is my fourth favorite artist that starts w/ an F, by default behind fat history month, the fatty acids, fax Holiday

oh my god i forgot about flat swamp

but everybody forgets about flat swamp. burned ~ theo

yes, but wat about foreigner

juke. box. hero.

question left unanswered 

H: did you see ride along yet. I was gonna rent out a screen at a movie theater for the day and bring the whole eis gang but unfortunately didn't have enough time when I was out there :(

FC: havent seen it.. hayden karnitz, eis rookie on the force. are you watching the superbowl?

H: yeah. at a lame party, though. wat did you call me

?

F: ya i called u. *~*~*just to talk**~*~**

H: talk about wat, gremlins?

F: lol i was just kidding. i dont have yr number. i am at my house with very nice people. today i feel very low for some reason.

H: why, did u listen to krill or something..?
!

F: NO

H: did you know dan goldin used to have a baby pet cheetah?

F: did dan goldin really have a baby pet cheetah? i kind of believe you because it would be so crazy to make that up.

H: it was named Farkle before he had to move and give it up. i believe it resides in a zoo now. living comfortably

F: what zoo? did you and dan visit it together?

H: I haven't been to a zoo in 13 years

And a petting zoo in 4 months!

H: do you know how hard its is to download 30-40 albums at the same time w/o paying for any of them!? FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES

F: i've tried to talk to bandcamp about inventing a way to download someones entire "OEUVRE" ...i have asked bandcamp if i can work for them many times but they hate my ideas.

H: how was germany. i am german you skipped wisconsin

:(

F: germany was great. 2 bad you werent there

H: what do you think is the scariest movie? i think it's mars attack since I've been 9 years old. You know the one with the guy from the first 5 minutes of inception who gets fired because he's incompetent and is replaced by Ellen page. The guy with big ears

F: i dont watch many scary movies but i was pretty scarred by HALLOWEEN

H: British people give me a headache

F: the accent is what gives me a headache, the people are fine

H: that's what i meant

H: On a scale of David spade how funny am i?

F: on a scale of david spade how funny are you?  norm macdonald

H: Do you ever eat a package of ramen noodles raw? I mean I'm not doing that right now, I'm actually eating trail mix and that John stamos yogurt

F: what is john stamos yogurt? and no about the uncooked ramen

H: I wonder how tall breckin Meyer is

F: probably short. and i had to google breckin meyer. yr references are too vast for me

 H: Wow. This yogurt is terrible/ This isn't even normal yogurt texture. Is mad men as good as everybody says it is?

 F: never seen madmen

H: I've almost finished this yogurt. It has been a struggle

F: yogurt sometimes sucks

H: It is finished and I feel worse

H: do you like kal marks. i do. a lot 

F: hayden is this an interview? if not, i really like these emails ur sending me

H: Did you know that "woman Hitler" is anagram of "mother in law". Is that too edgy?

F: thats crazy

H: I'm not really in the mood to use my superb MS paint skills and put the north Korean flag in the back of one of your pics and be like "wtf frankie, please explain yourself"

F: then don't

H: What do you think I should listen to that I probably dont? I hear a lot of people talking about this "Lord" fella. I think I'll check him out

F: neva heard of him. you would probably like No One And The Somebodies http://nooneandthesomebodies.bandcamp.com/album/suspicious-package

H: I actually kind of fibbed earlier about Dan's cheetah. Its name was actually Winslow, not Farkle

F: i still dont know if i beliebe you

H: But this is 100% real and I don't know why he doesn't share this. Back in the mid 2000s he also tried his hand at screenwriting under the pseudonym Greg Fields. One of his screenplays ended up being made into a film starring Cuba Gooding Jr.! Yes, that is Omar Gooding's brother. Anyways the film centers around a 13 year old boy with early male pattern baldness. Isn't that neat?

F: i know, dan told me

H: Wow. You must have spent a lot of time working on the zentrophy cover artwork

F: aaron spent a lot of time setting up my dad's scanner. and then my friend Colin spent a lot of time making up like 30 fonts and i was really picky. so the answer is yes.

H: The movie's called "Harold" sorry I forgot to mention that.
F: next question

H: Are Muppets and sesame street set in the same universe or what

F: actually i'm not sure but the new muppets movie comes out on my birthday. havent googled a trailer for it yet

H: ok here's a first. let's try some word association. frankie cosmos answers in bold

PBR- gross

Leprosy- leprechaun

Exclusion- middle school

Am- late night or early morning

Sedative- xanny bar

Ear- hole

Rabbit- hole

Exploding in Sound- longest shows

Pie- apple

Ontario- canada

Normal- college

Despair- zits

Television- 30 rock

Orion- belt

Maximum- being                                                                        

Yesterday- over

Energy- lightbulb?

Mullosk- not a word (this is wat i meant but oh well i hope i got my message across)

Animal- human

Infinite- infinity

Liar- lier

Krill- uses all my products

Rapture- mayan

Inconclusive- The Staircase

Leather- ronnie

Lemon- :-*

H: You are stranded on a deserted island. What's the one record you bring and why?

F: Zentropy because i can sell it for food
H: damn you got the deserted island one almost perfectly. Whatever you were gonna say I was gonna instantly shoot down and say why wouldn't you bring an edible one; too bad, now you starved death. good job

H: Did you know I've been to Canada two times

F: i did know that because i googled you before agreeing to this interview

H: How do you determine a song's good enough to be released, to the public, for everyone to hear or do you just gargle for a minute in a half and say "sounds great! on to the next one."
That's what krill does except for about 3-4 minutes

F: i just gargle and then say sounds great. except the gargling is called singing and it takes a lot of hard work you JERK

H: because you have so many songs do you just hand em out like they're Jehovah witness brochures

F: yes how did you know??

H: What's the worst thing about america? Is it snapping turtles? They're vicious

F: some of the states are too big

H: What are your true aspirations especially if one of them is coming true as you're reading this right now, this very second

F: main aspiration is to be on this blog

H: Are/were gargoyles real?
F: yes they're all over NYC

H: What would you say is your earliest inspiration? Is it Eiffel 65? That's the first CD I ever bought
F: yes thats my favorite band/song/inspires everything about my life

H: I'm blue. That's not even the best song on that CD

H: there you go for now. It should keep you busy and up at night. You won't be able to sleep because last night in your dream you befriended a clown named Bornaroy and you played frisbee with him and then went to a party all before he chased you down on his go-cart and tried to kill you before you got away and he was shot dead by the police

F: not true i dreamed that i was saying "oh what a cute baby" and eating french fries and the french fries were the baby

H: nobody ever lets me debut a new song on this weakass blog unless i make up a big fat lie about one

F: you can debut a song of mine if u want

H: Why are you actually letting me post one of your songs on my blof

F: because i have so many songs i just hand em out like they're brochures

this is legit.

TO BE CONTINUED.