BIG UPS INTERVIEW

i conducted a very professional interview with this band that goes by Big Ups and here it is, right below, copied exactly from our chat. i stayed up very late to do this and now i'll be tired making guns tomorrow. so "buy" their new thing.

 wearebigups:  crack a brewww

 me:  ok first things first thx for the beer in ny. and the lp. and for doing this bc i know you are very "busy"...

 wearebigups:  not that busy apparently

 me:  oh; youre supposed to say "youre welcome" there

 wearebigups:  thanks hayden

 me:  wth---nevermind. heres the first question:.. i like how you label yourself nerdcore but would you consider big ups "hardcore"?

 wearebigups:  nah big ups is not hardcore... maybe we use some sounds/themes from hardcore but we definitely aren't hardcore.

you can't really be hardcore unless u self identify that way i think

its more than a sound

 me:  i wish you would've said you were hardcore because then i wouldve been like oh yeah? then explain this! shows link to amar's bandcamp

 wearebigups:  haha ya amar's bandcamp is like chillwave mellowcore guitar time

not chillwave really

but mellowtime

nice internet sleuthing

 me:  more like "wasteoftime" buurrrnnn

ok next question

are you gonna text me every time you watch CONTACT?

 wearebigups:  i just watched contact 2 days ago

i might. but i can't imagine watching it again for a few months

might try reading the book tho

i will not text u about that unless u really want me to

 me:  contact is terrible, but it is a fun discussion topic

 wearebigups:  its not terrible

u just have bad memories about it

rotten tomatoes give it 3 *s

just looked it up

 me:  what the hell was up with the alien shit but william fichtner is a fantastic supporting actor. which brings me to my next question: 

what is the best movie ever made that starts with Con?

not contact

 wearebigups:  ummm

...

con man?

is that a movie?

 me:  might be but not the answer we're looking for. we were looking for CON AIR

 wearebigups:  :/

never seen it

u can call ur record con air

 me:  welp this is not gonna go well as the next 15 questions were about con air and nicolas cage

 wearebigups:  i like nic cage

bad lieutenant

yellin n shit

 me:  of course everybody like nc

 wearebigups:

 me:  ok but now we're off topic; let's go back to talking about the big ups

THE BIG UPS

 wearebigups:  ok

 me:  THE BIG UPS

 wearebigups:  no

no

no

 me:  it's easier that way, you need the THE

 wearebigups:  i hate 'the'

i don't like 'the'

 me:  los grandes ups any better?

 wearebigups:  nope

 me:  who's the best band currently on exploding on sound records?,,,...

in what an idiotic mistake

 wearebigups:  what?

u mean what is the best idiotic band on EIS?

 me:  no. i said exploding on sound instead of "in sound" and tried to correct my mistake.

 wearebigups:  oooooooo

 me:  we know the best idiotic band already!

 wearebigups:  i see

ur really gonna make me pick one?

 me:  top 3

in order

 wearebigups:  top 3

ok...

1. pilekalmarksovlovtwoinchastronaut

2. palehounddiscodoomspeedyortizmydadbad/fathistorymonth

 me:  i'll count 1. as the top 3 which is a solid selection

oh shit i forgot. did you have fun at that extravaganza on new years eve eve

 wearebigups:  3.krillporchesgrassisgreen

yes

i did

 me:  i was there

 wearebigups:  i prob missed an EIS band on my lsit

fuck

yah i bought u a beer

 me:  i was looking good

 wearebigups:  u know i kinda look like u

same hair dog

but ur way taller than me

 me:  im new stand in for big ups joe?

i can't dunk

 wearebigups:  if u wanna do it sometime

 me:  :(

 wearebigups:  that's cool

nah u can play shows drunk

 me:  sweeeeet

 wearebigups:  i just dont get too drunk b/c then i wanna puke

i heard u puked on krill

 me:  thats not funny

 wearebigups:  just what i heard

 me:  it wouldve been cool if i did emit on one of the krill

but it was just outside the car i guess

 wearebigups:  good job!

 me:  i blame regina's garbage pizza

 wearebigups:  never been there

garbage pizza...

gross

 me:  yeah it definitely wasn't from drinking too much

 wearebigups:  puking sux

 me:  f-ing regina's man. i blacked out after ovlov/grass is green/sat nite duets and that was way worse - hangover and such but nothing came up

:)

:)

 wearebigups:  i gotta listen to this sat nite duets i guess huh?

 me:  yeah of course but their new vid is weak,,,, wait did something important happen for bu today

 wearebigups:  our record came out in uk is that wat ur referring to?

 me:  lol why not the us

 wearebigups:  bc records traditionally come out on tues in us

its the PR machine man

 me:  yeah duh i thought you were afraid to release it the same day of vacation vinny

 wearebigups:  dude vacation vinny rules

 me:  im a yeddo man myself

 wearebigups:  well...

i like vacation vin

 me:  who is @boogerspit

 wearebigups:  dave spak told me about andy + sam's old band

i want to hear that

boogerspit is mike quigley

 me:  dogs w/o borders is ayt

 wearebigups:  thatsss the one

 me:  explain the cover of 18 hours because i don't know what the fuck that's supposed to be

 wearebigups:  it's a space beach. i thought u watched contact w/ ur physics teacher

 me:  not in that sense

in physics "class"

 wearebigups:  don't sound like class

 me:  this whole thing's going in the interview like the time i chatted w/ a girl on mormon chat.org and told her maybe someday we'd meet up in heaven. word for word

 wearebigups:  are u a mormon?

 me:  who you calling a moron

wait no

 wearebigups:  no one i was asking

if u were mormon

 me:  no i'm not but sometimes i wish i was

 wearebigups:  y?

 me:  it's a joke; not really.

 wearebigups:  o

just wanna say hi

its carl

 me:  who

 wearebigups:  i'm playing a game called pathfinder

o dang it carlos is jumpin in on the gchat

and i'm an elven rogue

so it's pretty cool

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathfinder_Roleplaying_Game

that's all

wiley ol carlos

 me:  we are off topic

 wearebigups:  a little bit

is carlos still here?

 me:  i think he's gone

 wearebigups:  ok

it's joe again... OR IS IT

?

(it is)

dickbutt

me:  i'm trying to conjure a good question but i haven't done my research like i usually do. why do you call it 18 hours of static when it's only 27 minutes long? you know what you can do in 27 minutes instead

of listening to it

 wearebigups:  what?

eighteen hours of static is more contact reference

 me:  i was trying to insult your art -- - goddamn it

 wearebigups:  i thought u were gonna say like, 'you can do something worthwhile in 27 mins lololol'

 me:  you could watch the scene where jake busey blows up the space station probably 15 times in 27 minutes

or masturbate 2x

 wearebigups:  thats the 2nd sweetest scene in the movie

not masturbating

theres no masturbating in the movie

 me:  masturbating to jodie foster in contact

!

 wearebigups:  y wud u do that?

 me:  i was implying you do that

 wearebigups:  there's nothing sexxxy about the movie

i kinda do... mentally

 me:  then if 18 hours is inspired by contact so much why have songs like goes black and atheist self help because isn't the big man upstairs technically in contact. i don't know for sure. it is a shit movie

 wearebigups:  well yeah there's lots of stuff about faith/science dualities

 me:  go on..

 wearebigups:  and there's a little bit of stuff like that on the record... but mostly like figuring out yr self

and how to deal with life

and dark shit

 me:  hehe

it gives me a headache

 me:  the topic of religion; sorry if you thought i meant 18 hours..

turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd turd

turd

 wearebigups:  sorry

i just went pee

how many turds is that?

 me:  whatever 3 turds and space while holding ctrl+v down for a few seconds is

 wearebigups:  ur good

 me:  god

 wearebigups:  bold

 me:  carlos is a nerd

 wearebigups:  for real! he was playing battleship or some shit

and he works for google

kinda

 me:  remember when you were like "here's our new tour van" and it was a pic of a UPS truck?

that was a good joke

not

 wearebigups:  die

 me:  write a song about it

 wearebigups:  that was prob carlos

BURN

that was a good joke

thats why i like u hayden

 me:  everybody likes me duh but you're not haydencore

 wearebigups:  guess thats true

 me:  but really you should tour in a fedex van. people would be like "whaaaat???"

 wearebigups:  it wasn't battleship

it was pathfinder

CARLOS

again

 me:  who is the lamer carlos: ava luna carlos or Big ups carlos?

 wearebigups:  Nissan Pathfinder lol

the movie battle ship scked tho

carlos!

i don't know Ava Luna carlos

but he makes good records

at silent barn

 me:  that's not what ive heard

get it because i've heard those records

 wearebigups:  so he's prob better than 'butting in on interviews' carlos

thanks for inviting me tho

i've changed the gmail passwprd

it's smoehting 'dickbutt42069

sorry carlos is ruining this

haven't u heard of journalism carlos??

get out of the interview

 me:  yeah dude what do you think of contact

 wearebigups:  is that question for carlos? because we already talked bout that

 me:  yeah

 wearebigups:  carlos answer the question

 me:  depends on what he answers determines whether he stays in or not

 wearebigups:  carlos are u there?

he might be gone again

i think it is

wanting to be very smart, and the original material is pretty good

but only half delivers

in the movie

the romance kinda blows it

but that's hollywood

bread and boners

 me:  I'M NOT A DISPOSER but please dispose of carlos from this interview

 wearebigups:  carlos u just got cut

git outta here

(u just misquoted the lyrics tho hayden)

it's ANOTHER DISPOSER

but how are u supposed to know?

 me:  that's why i changed it because i can't get rid of him; only you can. please don't question my journalistic integrity

 wearebigups:  ok

well im trying to get rid of him but he does as he pleases

 me:  LYRICS MEAN NOTHING. TIME MEANS NOTHING. WHAT WE CALL LIFE IS A FARCE

 wearebigups:  he's probably in his apt laughing his ass off

woah

calm down

u ok?

 me:  i thought i was headed down your alley with that one

 wearebigups:  time means a lot

time is $$

i dont got not alley

i dont got no alley

where's the alley i'm lost

 me:  it's a figure of speech. i thought i was relating to you by being dark

 wearebigups:  well yah we all feel dark sometimes right?

 me:  yeah krill's a bunch of wusses

 wearebigups:  i just listened to infinite power

 me:  http://www.lpaonline.org/

 wearebigups:  why did u send me that?

 me:  you like the midgetmen?

 wearebigups:  yah

i get it

nice segue

 me:  and jimmy fallon has his own show and i don

't

 wearebigups:  someday

 me:  other then yourselves who should be my first musical guest (trail of dead/pile are busy)?

 wearebigups:  prob dead wives u love them right?

 me:  yes but i may have upset them

 wearebigups:  how?

 me:  and they're barely real

 wearebigups:  pretty real to me i have seem them 2x

 me:  ......

 wearebigups:  is that 'no comment'?

 me:  https://twitter.com/malfc/statuses/418242166121824256

 wearebigups:  why did u do that?

sounds pretty mean

i guess ur mean though right?

 me:  http://i2.cdn.turner.com/money/2009/12/10/news/companies/pbr_pabst_blue_ribbon.fortune/pabst_beer.03.jpg

that's why x15

 wearebigups:  o boy

 me:  i am vile

 wearebigups:  WE ALL ARE

(get it, i'm being dark)

 me:  i don't have a reasonable explanation but it was no slap

 wearebigups:  i wasnt there

lol

so i dunno

who to believe

 me:  thats what my lawyers told me to say

for legal purposes

 wearebigups:  good luck in court

do u like our record?

is it bad?

 me:  all rise for judge judy for the case dead wives vs @hkarnutz

 wearebigups:  dude u all should go on judge judy

you ever hear about the time that band teeth mountain went on JJ?

look it up

 me:  do you think i have that kind of time i'm conducting an interview here.

sorry dead wives

mucho respecto

 wearebigups:  is this interview over yet?

 me:  has it started

 wearebigups:  im sorry i like u hayden

i don't even know

 me:  what's not to like

 wearebigups:  thats what im saying ur a good guy... but this interview we gotta finish soon

easily the most time ive spent on chat since the AIM days

 me:  i have to be up to go to the gun factory at 5 am central us time

 wearebigups:  sorry

go to bed

 me:  we will all "go to bed" one day

for a final time

dark

 wearebigups:  die

die

die

die

deathy

 me:  18 hours of static gets an 8.7 from me

 wearebigups:  out of?

 me:  shit

i don't know probably 10

 wearebigups:  kewl

 me:  so short

 wearebigups:  27 min staticc

 me:  i think im outta of questions.

contact still sucks though

 wearebigups:  good because we been gchatting for like 2 hrs

sorry about carlos

but it will probably be funny

 me:  i gotta shower too

 wearebigups:  at least hard for you as an interviewer

ok bye hayden

 me:  bye carlos

 wearebigups:  this is joe

bye

 me:  good lucj

 wearebigups:  :/

me:  :] get off line

 wearebigups:  i cant promise anything carlos or amar or brendan might still be on

 me:  they shall be ignored like when you go solo

 me:  oh i see now (put this in italics) you're done replying