M3RRY CHR1STM4S PLAYLIST

if only my mom would replace her 15 year old Chicago Christmas album with this list. 15 YEARS. IT'S ONLY 15 YEARS OLD? CHRIST (hb by the way) it seems like i've heard it every xmas since birth
here's some great christmas music to celebrate the holiday season. and if you don't celebrate christmas, repent. repent sinner. i stand with phil.


get it. there name's "SLEIGHER"  the only problem with Lowt Ide is they got too many good songs and it's hard to pick only one so i had to go with two :(


once you finally have my present wrapped please let me know on twitter so i can give you my address if you don't have it.

Best of 2013 Continued Because Like An Idiot I Made My Best Of 2013 List Too Damn Early

yeah those 24 days i said to screw off are coming back to screw me now. will the next 14 days be forgiving? eh, they'll probably be kinda lame. not a-hole lot going on

everything on this list was released or discovered after my universally loved best of 2013 list from a lil while back. i'm watching cash cab. never mind. it was worth getting up to change the channel. Love 77 should have been the first Disco Doom single, but whatever, it's cool. here's my best of list continued. expect more screw ups down the road.

Note* some of these appear on that old list as i've since added them to it but i doubt you actually noticed. ok go back and look quick, link up on the top. not linking it again. and not going back to remove them from that either. i just got sick of going back to that decrepit piece of art and updating it. so here's something f<r>e<s>h

no particular order, no rankings to hurt feelings this time you sensitive jerks.

this was actually just released. no; not just now. december 14th dweeb. September* is the key track here. no i didn't add the *, that's the name of the song. probably better than the secret life of walter mitty (film)

some of the new stuff on this list could be listed as "bummer" or other words that are similar but i'm not looking up any on an online thesaurus. what's up with that word anyways? thesaurus.  but this is far from a bummer so let's call it unbummer dude because i just made it up. words mean nothing, 

 

--RIP---- 

:(.  i forgot to put this on the old list, but whatever, f you. they previously released one of my favorites of all time. if i were to make hayden's best of all time, yeah imagine if i did, it'd be on that list. i hate that i've coined them PORCHES. 2.0/PORCHES JR (you know, while being i^n^e^b^r^i^a^t^e^d) because some days i like them more than PORCHES.
+++ wow im really bummed that they're done but i can't drink a beer because i have to get up at 4:55 AM. ok maybe i'll have 1 or a few to help me get through this.

man what's up with all the self-titled nonsense

despite what you may have previously read, i was joking about them being overrated. ok butt technically since they're on this list they'd only be ranked around 50 or so....  it's called comedy, people. geez watch a kevin hart special or all of them or something.





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oh. you didn't notice. did you? the last 5 are all from MILWAUKEE. MKE is arguably just as good as NY/Boston scene in my eyes. 0_0. it's not weird that i like certain bands from a certain geographical region. i'm just cheap.

say what you will about the effing writing, but at least you'll always be shocked on here.

it's like right in the middle between LVL UP and Spook Houses
LVL UP --> TM --> Spook Houses (from worst to best)
boogers












what's bunny's a swine?

                                      idk. probably something like this

                                        or this..

                   oh shit. come and grab your pet $atan. jk. that's a baby aardvark 

Two Inch Astronaut Interviews Me: Their Interview Skills are Sub Par

Two Inch Astronaut:
I just want to start by saying that Dan Goldin paid me nothing for this.

                        i don't know how two inch knows the longest-tenured administrator of NASA.                                                                                                                           wait. it sorta makes sense

1) Have you ever had an experience that you would say impacted your life?

me: one time i fell in a trough of cow shit when i was little. another one: it was 3 years ago almost to the day and i was a freshman in college waiting for the next compilation from this site called exploding in sound (?) because they hadn't let me down before then. one of the bands on there, two inch astronaut, caught my eye because hey what an unusual name and that's why i'm typing this right now.

2) So hypothetically, the world is ending tomorrow. A few people will be left and they will eventually rebuild civilization. You can be remembered among them either as you are, plain old Hayden Karnitz, or a fourth member of Krill who played an instrument of your choosing. Which do you choose?

well i'm certainly far from plain. wait. i did not survive? what the heck man. ok i'll play along. i'll be in krill but i take over vocals because let's be honest, it can't get much worse. 

people discover krill w/ hayden, begin to worship it and 1000s of years down the road i'm like a god to them with the rest of krill being my disciples. wars are fought in my name. every june 29th the world celebrates my birth like it's fuggin christmas.  

3) Tell us about your first kiss

my "two inch astronaut" was ready for liftoff if you catch my drift. (i was 13 and not fully developed yet)

4) You recently stated that you were "surprised" by how much you liked Bad Brother? What the fuck were you trying to say, boy? 

first of all you don't need to swear, i've always been nice to you. uh because previously ever since this it had been all downhill.  but on BB there's like FIVE good songs that i've listened to more than twice. still don't know if it was worth $13 tho.

5) Do you think it is okay for me to still have feelings for my ex? 

i'm no expert but life is short and your "career" in music will be even shorter. no, it's not ok. quit being a little bitch and move on.

6) Who, in your opinion, is the most overrated band in the world presently?

i was gonna say ava luna but then i actually listened to them today and thought hey, not so bad, friday the 13th. kneel before satan. ah this one is difficult, so let's say Haim or palehound

7) Have you heard "bitch we deep" by dead wives? That's a good one.

first of all that's Lip Keebler's Dead Wives. don't ever mention them to me again. ever. that being said yes i have. it's not as good as old dead wives or new dead wives. 

8) I'm gonna throw out some terms and you just say the first thing that comes to mind: Goldin, Kirsten, Lava, Cornflakes, Devin, Porches

dave's cooler, i don't know who you're trying to reference so no funny joke from me on that one, molten rock expelled from a volcano during an eruption, frosted or gtfo, did he put you up to this?, phlegm

10) Do you have a criminal record? Have you ever contracted a disease? 

i have never been arrested and i am very well behaved. besides a cold sore here and there i'm pretty darn healthy.

11) What do you think question 9 was?  

ok here it is.

what do you think the future holds for two inch?

two inch makes a very little impact until late 2014 when two inch becomes the first band to be let go from exploding in sound records for undisclosed reasons. in a fit of rage on new years eve, disheveled former 2' inch front man sam, attacks krill "singer" ezra furman's brother, choking him. furman jr ends up in the hospital. doctors say he may never be able to "sing" again. heartbroken, the krill dude rips out his catheter and vows that he will return; better than ever. piss is everywhere.

      after months of practicing, tony returns to krill. the rest of the unnamed band members notice there's a huge difference. a better difference. all of a sudden krill becomes a cohesive force. people begin to take notice, krill shows are packed until frankie cosmos comes on stage and then most of them leave. 

5 months later krill is on snl with very funny host kevin hart. lol this guy's hilarious. probably the funniest guy in the world right now. so funny. he's crazy funny man. 

      killin it on snl, or as the teenagers now say krillin it, krill becomes bigger than Fun. the world is crazy for krill. they tour worldwide with kevin hart because wow, what a tandem they would make. it's may 2016, frumple from krill is smoking an e-cig  in baltimore when a drunken homeless man comes up to him. he tells him "sorry for what i did so long ago, but it was actually for the better if you think about it." truman pauses.... then screams "BULLSHIT I CAN ENTERTAIN MYSELF" and walks away before a group of midgets beat up the homeless man.

don't do anything with two inch astronaut here:  http://twoinchastronaut.bandcamp.com/

or here: https://twitter.com/2inchastronaut

or here: https://www.facebook.com/twoinchastronaut

Best of 2013 Even Though There's 24 Days Left of 2013 But Screw Those Days What Will They Ever Do For Me

what a year two thousand and thirteen has been. we've witnessed the birth of this here blof.  i tweeted a couple times. i'm f-ing sick of the geico pig commercials. other things happened too. so without further a poo here's my best of stuff: year 2013 AD.

*update* do you remember the movie, Senseless? i just remembered it.

Favorite Record Label: Tricot Records
w-w-w-w-w-w-what? shocker right off the get go. now you're intrigued. ha. not your first guess, huh? TR's home of two of my new favorite bands, Ratburn & Princess Reason. 

*the former front runner in this category made a questionable business decision a few weeks ago that is now coming back to haunt them.* :]

honorable mention: exploding in sound
they had an all right year



now we'll hold a moment of silence for Graph 
r.i.p. you will be missed 












Favorite Album and/or EP and/or Split - it's all combined; get over it. ranked the top 20 to hurt some feelings. hope you feel bad if you didn't make it. you couldn't even crack the top 20 and you had two entries. wow

Honorable Mention: but really, how honorable is it to not make the top 20; well i guess it's cool just to make this list at all:

Pope - Known Weed Smoker
Jackie Trash - wow so sad
Euphoria Again - Euphoria Again
Ugh God - Heavy Flow
Many Embers - Many Embers
Native - Orthodox
Temple - The Conscience of the King
YLLA - Backseas
Tough Luck - No New Love
Dating - Please Be Quiet, I'm Very Interesting
Bennio Qwerty - EP
Major Moon EP
Go Plow! - Kal Marks
Ulises Lima - Shonen Bat Split
Forest - Sweetcure EP
Anakin - Emergency Broadcast System
Grammerhorn - Wren Comes Careening Out
Faux Fur - Faux Fur
Selam - Into Blisters Into Bits
Paperhaus - Lo Hi Lo
Wild Moth - Over, Again
Moose Blood - Moving Home
Dead Native - Keep it Strange
LVL UP - Extra Worlds
Thee Open Sex - Thee Open Sex
Treehorn - Bye Forever
Dead Wives - Buzzy Fuzzy
Wave Envy - Yes, Let's
Fury Things - EP 2
Bunny's A Swine - Calling Out
Crying - Get Olde
Junior Astronomers - Dead Nostalgia
whenairturnstowater- Tell Better Stories
LVL UP & PORCHES. 7"

20. Shark? - Savior

^update: i just got drunk enough to order this

19. Kelsi Grammar - BeingPetty

18. Geronimo! - Buzz Yr Girlfriend: Vol 3 - The Metal David Byrne 

17. Young Adults - Born in '91

16. Arvid Noe - Islington

15. Summer People - Burn the Germs

14. Tungsten - recorded

13. Princess Reason - Princess Reason

12. PORCHES. - Slow Dance in the Cosmos

11. Reversing Falls - Reversing Falls

10. The Fatty Acids - Boléro

9. Ratburn - The Dangers of Running in Small Circles

8. Ghost Outfit - I Want You to Destroy Me

7. Krill - Lucky Leaves

no comment

6. The Here and Now - Born to Make Believe Part 1

5. Vincent Vocoder Voice - Vincent Vocoder Voice

a late addition. i knew this one was gonna be good, but it blew away my expectations. i loved the first single and it's probably my 5th favorite on the album. 

4. Two Inch Astronaut - Bad Brother

if we're being honest and we're always honest on this site, i was really surprised how good this was. for real. listening to it right now, almost wanna move it to number one- uh uh ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓ move down there dammit ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓. fuck. 

3. Ovlov - AM

this one would've been number one had boner known small voices, but he didn't. way to go boner you cost lil O a chance at the top spot. (i know small voices isn't on AM butt g-damn b) 
update* actually after only 2 beers i thought about moving this to number 1

update* after 4 it's staying where it is 
*update: c'mon boner; no need to get upset - just joking man

2. Sat. Nite Duets - Electric Manland

this one too would've been number one if i had received my royalty check for appearing on the cover and they also admit they cheat at nfl blitz. but they're ok for the most part, i've slept on their couch more than once. oh and this worm is #tite. but i'll rank this number one when elvis grbac can RUSH for 3 TDs irl. 

1.b Fat History Month - Bad History Month

i knew back in april that this would be number one. hell i knew it would be at the top right after Bad History Month was out. h*ck, i can't even pick a favorite song off this album for my favorite song list down below because i don't wanna hurt any of their feelings. what. songs can't feel. sure, butt these songs feel like they have feelings and i don't wanna offend them. can you close out an album any better than i ate myself and i want to die? eh f it cat in a box is the best song, wait what about that laser at the end of the future, that's cool. if i had access to a horse i would make a bad history month music vid but who would trust me with a horse? and blackholes really do suck and fucking damn everyday is christmas is great too. how do i concoct a rating that's fair? LIFE IS NOT FAIR. come back to me fat history month, come back to the world......

1.a Kal Marks - Life is Murder

what the hell hayden you can't have two number ones. well if you don't recall this blog doesn't play by the rules and i'm not ranking this any lower. if yer gonna bitch about it then you can look at it this way- BHM favorite album 1st half of '13- LIM - 2nd half. problem solved. i don't even have a good reason for this being number 1- only a gut feeling. my gut's telling me to grab another beer----=-=----ok getting drunker to give you a better reason why i ranked this number 1a. i'd rather have a reacharound in jail than not listen to kal marks. get it that's a lyric in their song. it's a witty observation if i must say. like how he's cracking jokes to avoid giving you a clear reason why this is ranked number 1. well obviously flat swamp wasn't going in this spot. shit he did it again; he's good at that. but he's getting too far out there- one could say he's way out- in the deep.


Favorite Songs
Rules: one song per artist. that's it

i'm not gonna give any reason why they're ranked the way they are just so it will eat at you and you wont be able to sleep. hehe


Honorable Mention:
in no particular order or there might be if you think about it.

Get Lucky - Daft Punk (i'm drunk)
Normal Person - Arcade Fire (good version)











 15. 
  i've killed a many a hooker listening to this song on gta v & i shut the radio off when it's over. side note: this was a rad song before it was in gta v   
14.

13.
12.
11. 

10. 
9.



8. Kids - Diarrhea Planet

7. No Below - Speedy Ortiz

6.
 
5.

4.

3.

2.

1.




Best one liners

FHM - Cat in a Box -And even though I miss, and I want to kiss you, I just blow all of my love into a tissue, and I throw it away.

KM - Life is Murder - i've never been so happy with a bottle of lotion in my life

see there's a theme going on here. 

Most Memorable Show Even Though I Later Blacked Out in My Car:

Sat. Nite Duets, Grass is Green, Ovlov - Milwaukee

actually hard to recall this one. i drank a lot & saw 3 of my top thousand favorite bands but i do remember making some immoral decisions which make it memorable. 
hey everybody likes donuts and that guy didn't seem like he was coming back and i thought $7 for a pair of sunglasses & a box of donuts was fair. 


something you might not have heard yet this year butt you should right now 
space mountain - ferry lane 


this should be my new theme song


Top Award Number One Prize Winner 2013

kurdle

People be like yer hate fer kriLL is a joke but I'm like no I'm pro twittr comedian & kurdle is along fer the ride
— Hayden (@hkarnutz) September 1, 2013

for fucks sake. now in no way am i rewarding "krill" this award. this year's winner is kurdle. kurdle is the epitome of what krill could be. like if they didn't have that reprise at the end of lucky leaves. yuck. gross. horrible. i hate it. kurdle is what krill should strive to be.  kurdle would send ordered shirts exactly in 5 days like they said they would, not 6. i have to pee; brb. sorry i took so long had to grab a beer too. anyways maybe krill is on the path to kurdle with dis butt who truly knows. i'll tell you one thing though, with every beer krill gets better and closer to enlightenment. but they're still not kurdle. will they ever become kurdle? probably not. butt there's potential (see purity of heart/i am the cherry) holy f i just got into that drunken haze i usually get into when i mix beer & i am the cherry. krill may have f-ed up quite a bit in 2013, butt soon it will be 2014 and maybe you won't f up as much kurdle.

jk you're still krill, bud.

                                                       as krill would say

                         

2nd Place: Dead Wives
i'm sorta glad i found out that DW technically still exists this year

3rd Place: Flat Swamp
no reason in particular

#flatswamp

4th Place: Shark?
because im getting pretty drunk right now and just added this 

Final Notes

I need to move

At least my car has very good mpg and tape collection

Big Ups might be ok in 2014

As soon as the new Disco Doom comes out you all can give up

I wish I had some of this to drink right now. great beer, better band.

Krill does have a decent twitter handle and I think all exploding in sound bands should have a Wild Hogs actor related handle too like @jOvlovtravolta or @kalmarksinlawrence

I guess public urination is not well enforced or i find excellence piss spots after shows

Everybody that made the list was lucky Pile didn't release anything this year.











wait..... wait..... wait....... hold on a sec..... finishing this beer.... ultra-mega @hkarnutz mode unlocked!

WORST SONGS OF 2013
no f-ing rules

Get Lucky - Daft Punk (i'm sober)

idk. something by Ava Luna

@avalunaband WHATS IT LIKE FOR YOU AND TUCKER TO FORCE YOUR WAY ONTO EVERY BROOKLYN BILL IMAGINABLE AND STILL HAVE NO ONE CARE ABOUT YOU???
— aLaNiS MoRRiSseY (@wyrdtweeter) December 5, 2013

can i put that big ups song on here? ok put it up. it's on here now!
prolly a speedy ortiz song; sellouts most def. my stepdad is a jerk and im not intimidated by him. im not intimidated by him. im not intimidated by him.

so bad gonna spell out level up. more like level down. i wouldn't guess this more than once; skip
 i'd rather see the new madea movie. it's like eating a pizza w/ no cheese while watching the new madea movie. it's like all that BUTT BEING IN THE NEW MADEA MOVIE.

g-dammit frankie i will harass you fer this pile of doo-doo

i told you to check this out earlier- just not this song it should be the new theme song for Orange is the New Black
 you put all your faith into a band hoping they can replicate football team butt they can't :(

have you heard the latest krill album? there's 2 stinkers on it


good luck in 2014 bums.

New Krill Song Lyrics and WTF I Pre-Ordered the New Sh*t and I Didn't Even Get the New Track

@hkarnutz hears the new krill song and bursts out laughing
— LVL UP (@LVLUPBAND) December 4, 2013

so let me start off by saying i did not listen to this new song more than 1.5 times to take a shot at deciphering the fabled krill's new song "steve hears pile in malden and bursts into tears". i fancy myself as a "krill expert" because i understand the krill. let it also be known that at roughly 3 am central US time i received an email notifying me that jolly ol krill just released their new album. that link didn't work. strike 1. well back to sleep i went. then at my usual poo break during work at 9 AM i had discovered that kelp finally had the new bruiser showing off but no go on my blackberry as soundcloud wouldn't load. so back to work. then at another poo break at 1:30 PM it still wouldn't flow smoothly. (not the bowel movement- i had two fiber bars for breakfast.) we'll count that as strike 2 with a foul ball. yes we're playing baseball haha ellsbury went to the yankees. so i finally get home after a long day o work, crack open a fresh dr. pepper(-sp), open my laptop, pre-ordered it with a generously added tip. oh. no download of the new track that's cool, watever. beep beep beep 4 hours later what's up on bandcamp? lo and behold now the track comes with the pre-order. strike 3 fuggin krill. now maybe i let it slide and say we're playing beer league softball rules (4 strikes, 3 balls for walk) but who cares just another reason why krill are bad people. chimp rock forever

did you hear the latest pile album? not a stinker on it.
i feel like ive never done anything that matters
butt i said fallow times is times 2
steve said i feel infinitely bad times 2
if i couldve made something good i would have i would have(?)
so here i am rick so do you wanna play with us some time
he emailed me back said man our summer's looking pretty busy
i said thats cool man busy is a good problem to have
I SAID THAT'S COOL MAN I'LL CATCH YOOOOOOOUUUUUU LATER (krill whiny voice)
so emailed rick so do you wanna play with us some time
and he emailed me back and said man our summer's looking pretty busy
SAID THATS COOL MAN BUSY IS A GOOD PROBLEM TO HAVE
I SAID THAT'S COOL MAN
i'll catch you later


 

LVL UP Teaches You How to Make Your Own Rice Cripy Treats and Other Nonsense

So recently I drank a beer or four and shot some emails to LVL UP the band.

                                         lucky to interview these guys before they got too big

Ok first q here: you have a new shiny split out with PORCHES. I see. So along the same lines with he who shall not be named- do you feel increased pressure being associated with an amazing act like PORCHES. and are you worried at all dude?

LVL UP: ah yeah definitely, someone reviewed the split the other day and said our side was better than porches side, which made the entire site an unreliable source, it's already been proven by science that the porches side is better. in all seriousness, they have definitely been one of our favorite bands for a long while!



Thanks Bing!

I read on this internet that LVL UP actually stands for Literally Very Lousy Undistinguishable Performers. Is this true ?

LU: yeah the internet doesn't allow for lies to be published, it's actually a really neat thing, i did most of my college papers using yahoo answers as my main source

#burn

pretty damn pissed off that my bio-dome gif don't work

LU: #burnheal

JK about that. I know it doesn't stand for that. That was off the top of my head. But for real besides someone like myself who already sorta knows the story behind the name LVL UP why did you elect to go that route when you have other projects with better names like Morrison Brook, Spook Houses & Crying...

LU: who's that?

Oh man Topsider is one of my favorite songs of all time. Do you feel like you plateaued with that good one?

LU: yeah thats actually why ben left the band, we all agreed he'd plateaued so what's the point, ja feel?

I also see you're got a fairly big tour in the near distant future. However that being said I also see that you SKIPPED Minneapolis. wtf man

LU: i know… :( closest we're getting is chicago this time around, and that's definitely not close at all. we'll do a full US when the next record comes out for sure. can we crash at yr pad?

Probably not.

I would have to say the best thing about LVL UP is your songs are usually over quick. That's nifty. Do you prefer writing short songs because it's too f-ing hard to reach the epic magnitude of Fat History Month's You Can Pick Your Nose, You Can Pick Your Friends Nose, But You Can't Escape Your Horrible Family

LU: basically. usually i am just 2 cross faded to stay the course.

What if you changed your name to LVL SUP? whoa. talk about a total game changer.

LU: lvl yup, that idea is gaf (good as F#$&). more like a name changer tho. <];}

What are you future plans beyond this split besides continuing to disappoint your fan base (i e when the hecks gonna be a Spook Houses US tour)

LU: once we have enough money we're gonna break up and rent out msg for an epic gig w/ cril.

One time I listened to Walking Home probably 2 times walking back home drunk. It was an experience.

LU: shit man, i think that was the first song we ever recorded for that album. ben killed it on the harmonies and we were all much happier then bc we never heard about krill yet



Goddamn PORCHES. is so f-ing good. They don't even follow me on twitter. They're that good. Talking Pile level there. And you just toured with Pile. That must have been "sweet".

LU: ya! old matt, new matt, stick and kris are great peeps. that guy stove from ovlov was there too. we basically just got mad cross faded every night and watched curb your enthusiasm til 4am.

The liquor makes me think LVL. all kidding aside LVL UP > Krill. Let's crack some jokes about krill. wth do you think of krill and what's your least favorite krill song? (multiple answers acceptable)

LU: oh jesus, well let's just say i love them as people butt u were spot on about the muppets comparison last time… i couldn't name a crill song if i tried

I'm eating a rice crispy treat now. Is the internet rumor true of you killing former member & best singer Ben true? Remember what you say may be held against you in a court of law.

LU: i can't speak to specifics, but different stories surrounding the whole thing have been floating around there lately. you ever try making dig rice crispy treats in the microwave. that was a TRUE STAPLE of my college dining hall experience. here are the steps in case you wanna try it out:

1) get a bowl
2) put some rice crispies in the bowl along with a dollop of butter and some marshmallows
3) zing that thang for about 30 seconds in the machine
4) mix 'er up and enjoy

Speaking of your songs being shorter, our concept of time is a farce because of ancient aliens!

LU: sometimes i feel like u just get me hayden, time is actually more of a light sneeze than it is a line.

Dude I used to think the Big Bang Theory was funny but now it's gone downhill. But if you wanna feel like a failure that's yer right, right?

went to the post office to mail the records and the woman who pushes a ferret around in a stroller was there
— krill (@krilliamhmacy) July 1, 2013

LU: i suppose so, but what is even the premise of that show? fuck those guys

This isn't even a q but look up Sat Nite Duets ~big worm~ word.

LU: the band? yo they are real kool i like dis.

You still never answered if you ever saw Pete's Dragon.

LU: yes i have it on vhs somewhere I think. seriously a family staple for years, i loved that film. might be time to revisit.

Can you believe it took K***l over 5 days to send me my ordered t-shirt (still don't have it for an undisclosed reason)? Bunch of bums.

LU: did u buy the new one? i have it on my wish list (hint, hint) <],v)

NO NEED TO GO BUY LVL UP A NEW KRILL SHIRT, OK GUYS.

Speaking of Morrison Brook: turd
LU: feces?

In honor of Thanksgiving what are you thankful for this holiday season?

LU: SO many things to be thankful for but mostly the very good people i've encountered in this lyfe, many of whom i have met through this weird world of music!


MY RATING:
 
4.86/5.00 turkeys stuck in a flat swamp